Fill Me (Rouse Me 3)

"Am I really that miserable?" I ask.

Ryan takes another step towards me. He puts a hand on my shoulder. It's more friendly than anything, but there's still something so damn off about it. Like he's about to cross some line.

"No. But most people aren't strong enough to be with someone so..."

"Awful."

"Guarded."

"Are you admitting failure?" I ask. That would be something of note.

He leans towards me. Just a little bit. Just enough. "Maybe. I still think about you. I'd be willing to try and make it work."

"Why?"

"You don't have to believe it, but I did care deeply about you. I'm sure it's not the kind of love you're interested in any longer, but it was love."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

He steps backwards. I expect some kind of smug satisfaction, a lecture about how I don't know the meaning of love,

how Luke is a loser who will give up on me, but Ryan looks apologetic.

"I don't want to impose. I really did come to make amends."

"You could start but not springing 'I still love you' on me."

"You deserve all the facts." He looks at the ground for a moment, then brings his gaze back to me. "I still want to protect you."

"Then where have you been the last year and a half?"

"Respecting your wishes."

I can't exactly argue. I did tell Ryan I never wanted to see his stupid face again. But he did deserve it.

It's fine. All I need to do is let him apologize. Then he'll leave and I can get on with my life.

"Well, thank you for that," I say.

"I'll leave you be." He moves back, just a little. "But I really do hope things work out for you and Luke. He may not deserve it, but you do."

"I appreciate your concern, but things are great. We're going to Hawaii. And we're engaged. I'm not sure if that ended up online, but it's true. We're engaged."

Ryan smirks. "I hope that works out better for him than it did for me."

I bite my tongue again. Whatever Ryan's intentions are, I'm not going to give him the satisfaction.

"It will," I say. "Because we're honest with each other. And we love each other."

"Are you going to tell him I was here?" Ryan asks.

Ryan will see through a lie, but it's not worth explaining things to him. Luke gets jealous. Telling him Ryan showed up when things are already strained... forget about it.

"I haven't had much time to process that," I say.

He smirks. "You should stick with honesty. I know I would have appreciated that."

"We've covered that."