So he's not wasting any time with pleasantries.
"It's me. And he's my fiancé."
"I remember." His voice is steady, like he's remembering a pasta dish has mushrooms. Like this means nothing to him. "Do you any clue what time it is in Los Angeles?"
"Later than it is in Hawaii," I say. "And I'm sure you're in the office by now."
He almost chuckles. So he is in the office.
"If you're calling me at five a.m., that vacation must be going well," he says.
"It's complicated."
"It's never complicated, Alyssa. That's just a convenient excuse for behaving inappropriately."
Jesus, I've heard some bit of that lecture at least a hundred times. I take a deep breath, trying to fight off a rush of memories. Ryan has always been a condescending asshole, but he was well-intentioned once upon a time.
"I'm only calling to talk," I say.
"And what are you calling to talk about?" he asks. It's not impatient or harsh, but there's a certain immediacy to it. A demand that I explain myself right away.
"Us."
"Don't be vague. It irritates me." It's still flat, like he's expressing a distaste for those mushrooms. Not like he's mocking my apprehension.
I press my fingers into the phone. "All that stuff you said the other night--was it bullshit to fuck with me or did you mean it?"
Ryan sighs. "I'd never manipulate you on purpose."
I take a deep breath and hold it in my lungs for as long as I can. "I have to ask you something and I want you to be honest," I say.
"Okay." He's still so calm and collected. So Ryan.
"Why did you ever want anything to do with me?"
"Back in high school or after?"
"Both," I say. I press my nails into my thumb until I can't take the pinch. There's a lot of painful history between Ryan and me, and I'm not too keen on reliving it.
"I wanted to help you," he says.
"Why?"
"Because no one else would."
I bite my lip. It's not like I ever doubted Ryan started a friendship with me out of pity. I was pitiful back in high school. No prospects. No friends. Nothing but guys who wanted to get their hands up my shirt.
"And what if someone else had helped me?"
"I still would have helped you. I saw something in you. A potential."
"To be your trophy girlfriend?"
"Alyssa, if I had wanted to make you my girlfriend when we were in high school, I would have done it."
"Why didn't you want to?"
"We were from two different worlds. My family wouldn't have approved." He almost sounds like he regrets it. "Maybe if you hadn't been--"