My throat goes dry again.
Or maybe we can't.
I blink back a tear. The same hot sting as last time. And this is the same. Worse, even. Nothing has changed. Nothing will. Not like this.
"Please don't leave me," I say. It's a whisper, a beg, a pathetic plea.
I close my eyes, pressing my nails into my palms. There's no reason to hide. Not anymore. He knows how bad I can get, how pathetic, how desperate.
"You're not happy with me," he says.
There's salt on my lips. I wipe my eyes, turning away so he won't see. "That's only a matter of circumstance."
"What if it's not?"
"You're the one..." My voice breaks. My throat is too ragged and dry to make any of this fit. "You're the one who wants more."
He shakes his head. "I want you to be happy."
"Please..." It's so weak, so desperate, so damn pathetic. "Please don't do this."
"I don't want to," he says. He takes my hand, squeezing it with both of his. "But Ally, do you really want to marry me?"
His eyes are on me and his gaze is intense. Sincere. He wants to know the truth. Not bullshit that will placate him. The actual truth.
I swallow hard. "I think so."
"I've failed you," he says. "I backed off when you needed me most. You deserve better."
"But I want you."
He runs his thumb over my index finger. His eyes are still on me. Still sweet. Still sincere. "Then what is it--do you want to marry me or not?"
CHAPTER THIRTY
Luke
Alyssa bites her lip. She looks anywhere but in my eyes.
She's shaking. Barely, but she's shaking.
"That's not fair," she says. She turns her gaze to her engagement ring. Runs her fingers over it.
A tear rolls down her cheek.
This is what I do to her. I make her miserable.
"Ally..."
I reach for her, to touch her, offer some hint of comfort. She pushes my hand away, turning her gaze back to the ocean.
"Don't pretend," she says.
"This isn't even the first time this month I've made you cry."
She shakes her head as if to protest, as if to suggest that she's not crying.
"It's okay," I say. "You'll be happier."