Please let me do what it takes.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Alyssa
Laurie folds her arms and takes a long sip of her coffee. She nods like she's confident, but she's not fooling me. She's a nervous wreck.
She looks at the clock. It's almost ten. "Why did you give him so much time to think, anyway?"
"It seemed fair," I say.
She sets her coffee cup on the counter and paces around the kitchen. "This is a ridiculous one-eighty, Alyssa. Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"I'm positive." I run my fingers along the engagement ring. Pretty sure. At least eighty percent.
"It's rather dramatic for you."
"I could use some dramatics."
"Are you really going to drive yourself to the marina? Shouldn't you take a limo or something?" Laurie stops at the counter. She pushes against it, turning back to me. She shakes her head. "It's stupid. He lives like five minutes from here. Why are you going ten miles south?"
"Because that's where we..." I can't explain it exactly. It's not the first place we kissed--that was at his old house. Or where we met--at the office he used to share with Ryan. It's not even where we had our first kind of but not really a date thing.
I want to say that's where we fell in love, but that's not quite right either.
It's where... it's where I found him lying on the grass, reading a dog-eared paperback. It was the paperback that got me. It was falling apart, like he'd read it a hundred times but still wanted more.
It was our secret place to meet. Where we'd hide in plain sight. And it was like he was there every time I wanted to see him. Like he could read my mind.
"It's important," I say. I gather my purse, doing a mental check. I have everything I need for this. And it's warm enough that I shouldn't need a coat.
"You can't leave yet," Laurie says.
"Cause you'll miss me?"
"What if he doesn't show? Are you really going to wait alone?"
I bite my lip. It's not like I've been replaying that possibility in my head all week, imagining myself standing at the marina like an idiot, waiting until the sun sets.
"How about you call at noon? If I don't pick up--"
"Assume you're having crazy hot sex?"
I laugh, and a bit of my tension releases. "Exactly."
Laurie looks at me like I'm her kid sister. "I'm so fucking worried about you."
"Whatever happens, I'll be okay."
She nods, and wraps me in a hug. I repeat the mantra in my head. Whatever happens, I'll be okay.
I'll be okay.
***
It's ten forty-five when I finally set foot on the concrete path surrounding the marina. Maybe Laurie was right, and this is all melodramatic, and I should have just called Luke and demanded some response to my heartfelt confession.
It's still possible he won't show.