"Okay, it's starting off good," she says.
"I really do want a life with you. I want your face to be the first thing I see every morning, and the last thing I see every night."
I prop myself on my elbows so I'm closer to her. She's so beautiful, but that isn't what matters. It's that she's Alyssa, my Alyssa. Those blue eyes, that soft skin, the light hair--that's my Alyssa.
"I want all of it," I say. "I want to eat breakfast with you, and text you on my breaks, and eat dinner with you every night."
"Awfully fixated on meals there."
"It's not about your... problem."
She gives me that look. That really? look. "My eating disorder?"
I nod. "It doesn't have anything to do with... your eating disorder recovery." I brush a hair from her forehead. "I see a future for us. I see us building our lives together, buying a house, picking out furniture, arguing over how to decorate the bathroom."
"Hot pink of course."
"Hot pink is perfect." I run my fingertips over her arm. "I want to travel with you, to run around Europe watching you sip espresso in Italy, outraged over why I can't find a decent cup of tea in the entire country. I want to watch you agonize over what outfit to wear."
"I don't agonize."
"Geez, Alyssa. I'm trying to be romantic."
"I know, but you shouldn't misrepresent me in your fantasies."
"I've seen you agonize," I say. "On occasion."
She looks up at me and looks away. She's nervous. "What are you saying?"
"I don't want you to hear this as an accusation, but you act like we're still sneaking around."
"No."
"We hang out here or at Laurie's. You refuse to go out for dinner. And it's not about food. You refuse to go out for coffee with me, and I know you'll drink coffee anytime, anywhere. You'll take walks around the marina, but only around the marina."
"I like hanging out here."
"I know you're not ashamed to be with me..."
"It's not you." She bites her fingernail. "It's Ryan... because I... well, you were there when I was cheating on him."
"Can't we get past that?" I ask. "Don't get me wrong. I love spending time with you here, but I need more than that. We both do."
She bites her fingernail, her eyes once again turning to the pool. "Like what?"
I wait until she meets my gaze. "You could move in here."
"Into your ex's house?"
"We can get a new house."
"Luke..."
"Okay, I get it. It's only been a few months. I shouldn't move so fast. But I feel like we're on hold. Do you..." Fuck, what if she says no? She could break my heart. "Where do you see this relationship going?"
She looks away, at the dark blue sky outside the windows. "Somewhere great." She looks back to me. "But not yet."
"When?"