With my hands on her waist, I bring our bodies together. Until we're only inches apart. Until I know that no matter the distance, nothing in the world could ever separate us.
"I love you, Alyssa."
"I love you too."
I reach for her hand and squeeze it tight. "I know things aren't perfect yet. I know we have a lot more kinks to work out, but I want to work them out with you. I'll go anywhere you go."
"Me too."
She closes her eyes, and our lips touch again, and everything is right with the world again.
Everything is in color again.
***
It's a sunny day. But then again it's always sunny here. I didn't tell Alyssa where we were going--only that it was important to me--but I'm sure she guessed by the time the 405 merged into the 5.
The bouquet of flowers was probably a dead giveaway.
Neither of us is wearing black, but this isn't a somber occasion.
She follows me out of the car, walking slowly on the grass. She's wearing sneakers, a brand new pair of hot pink sneakers, and she wants to keep them clean.
"I'll buy you a new pair," I offer.
She shakes her head. The grass is wet, from the sprinklers no doubt, and there are small patches of mud everywhere. Alyssa takes huge leaps to avoid them. She lands on her tiptoes like some kind of ballerina.
"Come here," I say. I slide my hands under her ass and lift her into my arms.
"You know I'm not going to fuck you in a cemetery."
"There's always after."
She shakes her head, but she's smiling. She likes the idea. Hell, her cheeks are red. She's probably envisioning it right now.
"Mr. Lawrence, this is a family establishment. You shouldn't discuss those kinds of base things."
"Uh-huh."
I let her down and she latches on to my shoulders. She stares straight through my eyes. It's like she's looking into my soul, like she can see everything inside of me.
She brushes her lips against mine. It's soft and sweet. Enough to make me melt.
"Come on." She takes my hand and squeezes tight.
I lead her through the cemetery. I still remember the way--ten rows from the back, three columns from the left. And there they are--the slate gray tombstones--Emilia Lawrence and Edward Lawrence.
I run my thumb over her fingers. "I've never been here with anyone else."
"Thanks for taking me."
"I never came here much. I always felt bad about it, like I was disappointing her again. They were fighting over me. If it hadn't been for me, she would never have run out of the house. She would have never gotten into the accident."
"It was an accident. There's nothing you could have done about it."
"I know, but... it's been so long now--ten years almost--and nothing has ever taken away that uneasy feeling in my gut. Nothing but being with you."
"I get the feeling it would be horribly inappropriate to kiss you the way I want to."