I can tell she isn't jazzed about me leaving, but I need to not be here.
I ask her questions about work until we're both lost in the web of office drama and gossip.
After we finish Away from Her, an incredibly depressing indie film about a man watching his wife suffer through Alzheimer's, Mom goes to bed, and I go to my room (Dad is still at work).
My walls are still deep purple—I painted them back in high school. My bed has the same purple and black comforter I've had for years.
The same one I had when I was with Ethan.
My parents have always worked long hours. Ethan and I had so many afternoons and evenings in this room.
When I close my eyes, I can feel the weight of his body sinking into mine. I can feel his lips on my neck, his hands under my skirt, his hard cock pressing against my pelvis.
I can see his eyes lighting up with desire as he touches me.
Worse, I can feel the affection, love, and trust that used to pour between us. I can feel the way he looked at me like he understood me, like I meant everything to him.
I don't want to be here. I want the money. Hell, I even want to see Mal, Joel, and Kit—I don't know the bassist well but he's always been courteous to me—again.
But fuck, can I really handle being around Ethan?
There are a million reasons why I should take this gig. The only con is Ethan.
Logic dictates I take the gig.
I let myself sleep on it.
When I wake, I'm sure.
I text Mal.
Violet: I'm in.
Chapter 7
Ethan
I take a deep breath, shrug my shoulders, and attempt to get through the song again.
Fucking Drew. His shit is complicated. But then I knew that when I agreed to fill in for the Sinful Serenade guitarist.
Sinful Serenade is headlining our current tour. I'm a convenient choice. But Drew is too much of a perfectionist to go with convenience. He's trusting me with a lot.
Can't fuck that up.
I agreed in a heartbeat. The man had just found out his fiancée was pregnant. Just from our brief phone call, I could tell he was going to choose her over anything else. Someone had to step in. I'm more than capable. It made sense.
I didn't consider how hard it is to master his songs. Certainly didn't consider what a big deal it is filling in for the Drew Denton.
But then there's nothing that could have convinced me to decline the offer.
I don't back down from a challenge. Whether it's filling in for Drew or hanging out around Violet without falling in love with her, I don't give in when shit is hard.
I take a few minutes to stretch my hands, get water, shake off all the doubt creeping into my head. Not sure if it's about playing or about Violet. Doesn't matter. Neither challenge is defeating me.
First, I play the Sinful Serenade song I know the best. Then the next. By song four, I'm lost in the music.
This is where the world makes sense, when it's me and my guitar and nothing else.