Dangerous Crush (Dangerous Noise 2)

"Yeah?" Piper leans closer.

"Yeah." I shift so I can wrap my arms around her. It's an instinct, but it feels right. It feels more right than anything has in a while. "At first, when Dad got scarce, she poured herself into her job. But one day, she just stopped. She quit, lost her passion for it. Lost herself. Then she started using and that spark never had a chance."

"I'm sorry." Her voice is honest, sweet.

Anyone else, it would feel like a bullshit platitude. But I really believe Piper is sorry I've hurt.

She reaches up to run her fingers through my hair.

Fuck, that feels good.

"Have you ever tried to get her help?" she asks.

"A few times." It was a long time ago. "She wasn't interested." I slide my arm under the crook of Piper's neck and use it to pull her closer. "Mom made her decision. She loves the high more than she loves clothes. More than she loves her life. More than she loves me."

Piper looks up at me with those earnest blue eyes. "You really think it's like that?"

No, I know it's like that. "I've been there."

"Is it that good?"

"It's more that being sober, and having all those thoughts you're running from, is that bad."

"What were you running from?"

"Knowing my mom is going to die from an overdose one day. Knowing I can't do shit about it. Knowing that it's all bullshit, that my friends only like me cause I've always got drugs." I look down at the sand. "A million things. It becomes this cycle. You hate yourself for being weak enough to give in, but you can't take the self-loathing. You need a break from your head."

"Do you still feel like that?"

"Not anymore, but I still... I still don't know what to do when I want out of my head."

"You play?"

I nod. "Or work out."

"Or sex?"

I chuckle. "Casual sex was too connected to drugs. Brought everything back. Made me want to use."

"You only tried the one time."

"I have a girlfriend. Now isn't the time to get into casual sex."

She smiles. "Has it been like that when we've slept together?"

"Hard to explain."

"But it doesn't make you want to use?"

"Fuck no." I look into her eyes. "Piper, you're a fucking beacon of hope compared to the places I've been." I run my fingers through her hair. "You have that spark."

"Yeah?"

"Your brothers have it. Violet's got it. I had it once."

She shakes her head. "You have it now."

"Maybe." I slide my hand around her neck to cup the back of her head. "Whatever happens, you can't lose that spark."