I pull my legs onto the couch and lean back on my heels. "You're a performer who doesn't get jitters?"
He takes the seat on the couch next to me. His knee bumps my thigh. "When I'm onstage, I'm the one in control. I practice enough that I know those songs like the back of my hand. I know every word, every note, every fucking pose Ethan is going to hit."
"Your brother?"
"You're a fan. You know."
I nod. "He's different than you. At least, it seems that way."
"From your research?"
"I've been to shows. You two… you have a fun dynamic, the stoic older brother and the eager younger brother. But you probably know that."
He nods.
"Is that planned?"
"We have a rough sketch of our banter. Mostly, we let it happen. Otherwise you get that stilted—" He adopts the awkward voice and tone of an up-and-coming performer. "Hey, uh, we're in Los Angeles, right? We love the City of Angels."
"No one calls it that."
"Exactly." He turns towards me. His knees spread ever so slightly. His eyes pass over me. Slowly. Then they're on mine. "Music was never my passion."
My heart pounds. The desperate fangirl inside me claws at my throat. Mal is sharing with me.
But there's more to it than that.
He's not just Mal, the Dangerous Noise singer.
He's Mal, the guy I met at work.
The guy I really like.
The guy behind the image.
Not that I'm really sure who the guy behind the image is.
"That's hard to believe," I say.
"Ethan loved playing. He used to write songs and ask me to listen to them. Even the hundredth time, he'd play with that same enthusiasm. I wanted to be a part of that. And I wanted to help him. A band needs a singer. And anybody can sing."
"You play rhythm."
"Easier than lead."
"You play rhythm because it's easy?"
"No, that's just how I started. Ethan was eager to teach someone. So I learned."
"You really love him?"
"He's family."
"Not everyone loves their family."
"You?" He asks.
"Uh… it's complicated." I bite my tongue. I can feel it. My legs too. The shock is settling in. I can handle that the video is going live—with me in it. The video I edited is going live. This is an amazing fucking step in my career.