I try to push the thought away as I go through my morning routine and head to the gym.
There's too much in my head. Sweat isn't doing shit to drown my thoughts.
I get home from my workout tired instead of energized. It's early and I'm running on little sleep. But it's not my body that's depleted. It's my head and my heart.
A shower, eggs, and tea do little to help.
Maybe I'm a mess. But I'm not going to fuck this up for Ethan. And neither are Mom and Dad. They're due to call tomorrow. But I need to tell them now, to at least talk them into a little enthusiasm.
I find my laptop in my room, set it up on the counter, and I ping Mom on Skype.
Mal: Can we talk early? I have news.
Mom: We're busy today. There's a lot to get together for a trip this long.
Mal: What?
Last time Mom mentioned their visit home, she referred to days, not weeks. Certainly not a long enough trip that they'd be bringing their shit home.
Mom: There are things we need to do in Southern California. We're not sure when we'll be back to South America.
Mal: That's good, right?
Mom: It will be nice to see you, Ethan, and Piper.
Mal: This news should be on the phone.
Mom: I can't, sweetie.
Mal: Ethan asked Vi to marry him.
Mom: Vi… yes, the nice girl with the tight dresses and the eyeliner.
She only knows Violet from the pictures. They were together three of the last five years and Mom only knows Violet from pictures.
She barely remembers Kit—she seemed confused when I told her Piper was engaged to our bassist. I think she met him twice. And that was when he was heavier, not that he was ever heavy. Just soft. He didn't take care of himself when he was using. Since he got clean, he's been working out more than I do.
Mom: That's great news. We have news too.
Mal: Let's celebrate. You still get into LAX on Saturday morning?
Mom: Yes.
Mal: We'll go out Saturday night, to some place with a view of the beach. Someplace nice. I'll tell Ethan to bring Vi. And Piper can bring Kit.
Mom: No, sweetheart. This is family news.
There's no sense in telling her that Ethan and Piper don't consider Mom and Dad family. That Violet and Kit are more family than they've been for years.
Mal: I'll let Ethan decide.
Mom: Trust me, sweetie. It's better if it's just the five of us. Just the Strongs. I have to go. I'm exhausted. I love you.
Mal: Love you too.
She goes offline before I can send my message.
I stare at it for twenty fucking minutes. I'm Charlie fucking Brown, lining up to kick that football again.