It still feels like a dream.
A nightmare, I guess.
How can the stars be shining?
How can the waves be crashing?
How can the world keep spinning?
It's not right.
I lean back on my elbows and stare at the sky. No clouds tonight. If anything, the stars are shining brighter than ever.
I let a heavy sigh fall off my lips.
The world still exists without Mom.
She's gone.
And our chance of ever being a family of five is gone.
The possibility of her ever being in my life is gone.
The possibility of her ever fucking caring is gone.
And my hope is gone with it.
That's what I wanted, but I can't exactly find cause to celebrate.
The wind is a soft rustle as it blows over the grass. It must be late. The beach is dead. There's no roar of traffic from Pacific Coast Highway.
It's quiet enough I can hear footsteps coming closer.
That must be Ethan. Though it doesn't sound like him.
He's been picking up my slack all day. He called everyone who needed to be called. He made all the funeral arrangements.
He even took my fucking cell and refused to give it back until I ate dinner.
I didn't eat.
Fuck knows where my phone is.
It's scary, letting him take over holding up the world. But it feels good accepting help.
Knowing I have backup.
Warm light floods the deck as the sliding glass door pulls open.
But that isn't Ethan standing in front of me.
It's Lacey.
She steps onto the deck and pulls the door closed. "Hey."
"Hey." I stare back into her brown eyes. They're filled with all that affection and understanding.
"I'm sorry about your mom."