Sick Heart: A Dark MMA Fighter Romance

Everything I thought I knew about Anya flips in this moment.

She was with Udulf.

When she was seven.

“I was supposed to kill you,” I say. “That night on the ship. Udulf told me that afternoon that if I won, I was supposed to kill you. That Lazar told him to tell me to do that. Did you know about that?”

She shakes her head. But I am not stupid. I knew it was coming. I think Udulf found out about me. I think… She stares at me, long and hard, with such intent in her eyes. I think the fight between you and Pavo was a way to erase the bad blood between Udulf and Lazar and start something new.

I don’t even know what that means. “How do you figure?”

If you won, I died and Udulf’s secrets went with me. And if Pavo won, you died and Lazar’s secrets went with you.

“What?” I squint at her. Because I’m not sure I understand.

I’m tired of being silent, Cort.

“So… talk!”

No. You don’t understand. I’m tired of keeping their evil secrets. I’m tired of being a victim. I’m tired of being a thing that has no mind of her own. I’m tired of not fighting back. I want to train because I want to fight.

She pushes her chair back, scraping it on the floor, and then picks up her shake and walks out. Stiff and limping, but alone. And without help.

I run all her silent words back and forth in my mind.

She is keeping Udulf’s secret. I am keeping Lazar’s?

How does that make sense? It doesn’t. I don’t have any of Lazar’s secrets. And I highly doubt that Anya could be keeping a secret of Udulf’s that would change anything. He’s… untouchable.

It doesn’t make sense. None of this makes sense. The entire sick world I live in is evil. And that’s all there is to it. It’s just evil.

I sit there at the table for a little bit, listening as things happen around me, just counting all the times that Ainsey’s chest rises and falls against my own. Wondering where all this will finally lead.

Nowhere good.

I know I’ve been selling myself the lie for as long as I can remember, but that’s all it’s been. Just a lie.

There is no happy ending here. Even if we get out—even if Rainer does come with us—there is no happy ending. Because I will be leaving all these kids behind.

And what else can I do? Forfeit my life, my one and only life, to run interference for them?

If I thought that would save them, I’d at least consider it. But it won’t save them. In six months five of these kids will be dead. In one year, at least ten. In two years maybe three make it. In five—none. Maybe not even Paulo.

There is no way to stop the fights. And they can call this Cort van Breda’s camp all they want in that rag of a magazine. But this isn’t my camp. This is Udulf’s camp. I’m just a fucking employee.

No, that’s not even right.

I’m lower than an employee.

I am a slave.

Eventually, I get up and when I take our dishes into the kitchen, I find Anya helping Irina clean up.

Part of me is surprised that Anya can forgive and forget so easily. But then again, she made it pretty clear that she was raised in violence when she pointed to her swollen and bruised eye and asked me if I thought that was her first.

Yeah. This whole world is sick.

And maybe it’s better out there. In that alternative reality where the normal people live. But I don’t think so. Because those normies are just living another kind of lie. They live in ignorance. They have no idea we’re even here. And they don’t want to know. They want us to stay the world’s sick, dirty secret. Because if they had to admit that we’re real, then they’d have to do something about it.

Or not do something about it, which is what I suspect would really happen. Ignorance is bliss.

I leave the kitchen and take Ainsey up to the helipad. Some of the kids already have their sleeping mats out. They are allowed to sign now, so some of them are busy having silent conversations. But most of them are playing hand-slapping games, a more elaborate version of patty cake that’s popular back in the village where we live. They’re allowed to laugh out loud now too, so plenty of them are doing that.

And their meals have changed. No more rehydrated meat. It’s still frozen and not even close to high quality, but it’s a helluva lot better than those dried-up chicken cubes. They get vegetables too. Not just oranges. Frozen peas and carrots. Berries too. They get protein shakes for breakfast now. That’s what Irina fed Anya tonight as dinner.