“I had no idea you were so invested in the common evergreen.”
The corners of my lips turned down as I stiffened, pulling away from where I’d been leaning into Casteel. “I would think you’d be grateful that I’m quiet.”
“Why in the world would you think I’d be grateful for that?”
I sent him an arched brow over my shoulder. “Really?” I drawled in a low voice.
His eyes narrowed, and as I returned to staring at the snow-tipped pines, he nudged Setti forward. The large horse responded at once, drawing ahead of the group. “What’s really going on with you?” he asked, his voice low.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I lifted my head at the flutter of wings. A bird, larger than I’d ever seen, took flight from the top of one of the pines, soaring gracefully into the sky. The wingspan was enormous, at least several feet. “Good gods, what kind of bird is that?”
“I do believe it’s a silver hawk. They’re known to snatch small animals and even children if they’re hungry enough.”
My eyes widened. “I’d heard stories about birds that could pick up children, but I thought they were just tales.”
“I’m sure many things in these woods are the subject of such tales, but there is only one tale I’m interested in hearing.” Using his arm around my waist to tug me back against him, his voice was just above my ear as he added, “And that is why you’re suddenly as quiet as a ghost.”
“Do you need to hold me this tightly to ask that question?” I snapped.
He chuckled. “There she is—my Princess.”
“I’ve been here this whole time, and I’m not your Princess.”
“Technically, you are my Princess, and no, you haven’t been here the whole time,” he replied. “The Poppy I know isn’t quiet and meek. At least not the one without the veil.”
I stared ahead mutinously as his observation struck too close to home for comfort.
“And this Poppy, the one who says nothing, only showed up this morning,” he went on. “You say it’s not because you chose to be the one who ended that bastard Ascended’s life. I know you well enough to believe that.”
“I don’t know why you think you know me so well,” I retorted, even though he did know more about me than anyone, including Vikter, Tawny, and my brother.
“I know that you did what you felt was right and that is the end of that. You’re not one to wallow in your choices,” he said, and he was right. Ugh. “You said it wasn’t because of last night, and I’m inclined to believe that to be the truth.”
“If I said I didn’t care what you believe, would it make a difference and force you to be quiet?”
“No.”
I sighed.
“I’m a wagering sort of man, so I’m willing to bet it has everything to do with our understanding.”
Irritation flared hotly. Why did he have to be so observant? It was annoying.
“So, instead of telling me nothing is wrong, I’m hoping you’ll be honest with me.”
“I’m hoping that hawk returns, and instead of snatching up poor helpless animals and children, it grabs you.”
Casteel laughed, the sound rumbling through me. I knew if I turned around, I would see the hint of fangs and those damn dimples. “I fear that your hopes will go unanswered.”
“As per usual,” I muttered.
He ignored that. “I’m not going to let this go, and you of all people should know that I’m persistent when I want something.”
A shiver curled down my spine, and the hand that had ended up between the folds of my cloak at some point during the journey, slid from my hip to my stomach. Swallowing hard, I ordered myself to think of anything that didn’t involve his hand and how low it sat on my belly.
“Talk to me, Poppy,” he whispered near my ear as his fingers began to move. Every cell in my body seemed to focus on those digits. “Please?”
Please.
The soft request caught me off guard. It was so rare to hear that word pass his lips, even before his identity had been revealed. I gave a small shake of my head. “I…I don’t know how to act.”
He angled his head so he could look at me. “What do you mean?”
His fingers were still moving, tracing circles that swept above my navel and then below. My face felt hot, and I wasn’t sure if it was due to embarrassment or the slow, lazy pace of his movements, which reminded me too much of those dark, early morning hours. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to behave in a way that will convince others that we’re…together.”
His fingers halted for a heartbeat and then started moving once more. “You just need to be yourself, Poppy.”
That sounded easier said than done. “Being myself would likely mean arguing with you constantly—”
“And threatening to stab me,” he interjected. “I know.”
“How is me threatening to stab you going to convince anyone that this engagement is real?”
“I’ll admit, that would lead the average person to believe there were no fond feelings between us, but no one would believe that I would choose a submissive Maiden over my brother. They’d expect me to fall for someone as fiery as she is kind, brave…even to a fault. Someone who pushes back.” His fingers now moved up and down in a straight line, but for once, his words were far more distracting. “They’d expect someone like you, to be honest. Not the veiled Maiden. That is not who you are.”
Unsettled by what he’d said, my grip tightened on the pommel. “You’re right. I’m not the veiled Maiden. Not anymore, but I…” My gaze lifted to the strip of gray sky. “It’s what I’m used to, I guess. I’m not used to this.”
“I imagine you’re not used to any of this, and I don’t mean the whole being kidnapped part.”
A wry grin twisted my lips. “All of this is new. The lack of the veil and being allowed to speak whenever I want, to whomever I want. Or being able to use my abilities and not hide them. I can’t even remember the last time I ate supper at a table with more than just one or two people. I’m not used to being in a room full of individuals, being the center of attention, yet somehow still invisible to them. I…” I trailed off before I admitted what had found its way to the surface. I wasn’t sure if even I knew who I was without the veil and all its limitations, because even though there were still rules, new ones to follow, this was unlike anything before. “I guess what I was like as the Maiden—”
“What you were forced to be like as the Maiden,” he corrected softly.
I nodded. “I guess it’s what I’m comfortable with when I don’t know what’s expected of me. And silence—docility—was always expected.”
“But was it easy?”
The sweep of his fingers, drifting even lower, snagged my attention, sending a flash of molten heat through me and causing me to wonder if I had the foresight to set boundaries with this whole agreement. Surely, what he was doing with his hand wouldn’t convince anyone of our relationship since it was hidden beneath the cloak.
“Princess?” he murmured, his lips grazing my ear.
I exhaled shakily, hoping that what Kieran had said about Casteel and a wolven’s ability to scent desire was grossly exaggerated. “I…I often wanted to scream—just scream for no good reason, in the middle of the Great Hall during the City Council meetings. I would’ve loved to have screamed right in Priestess Analia’s face.”
He barked out a short, rough laugh. “I would’ve expected a far more violent desire when it came to that bitch. And I still don’t use that word often, yet I use it proudly when it comes to her.”
I grinned, feeling a savage joy at seeing the Priestess’s eyes widen when Hawke had put her in her place. “And I…I hated just standing there and listening to the Duke get upset because I didn’t walk quietly enough—”
“He seriously lectured you about that?”
“Yes.” I laughed, but there was nothing funny about any of this. “He’d lecture me about anything. Find any reason for a lesson. Not standing straight enough. Being too quiet. Not speaking quickly enough when spoken to—when I was allowed to respond, which was everchanging. I…” I shook my head. “I wanted to scream in his face—no, that’s not true. I wanted to punch him. Often. With my fists.” I paused. “With a dagger.”
Casteel was silent for a moment. “How did you deal with him? That’s something I can’t wrap my head around. You’re not weak. You’re not a pushover. That’s inherently the opposite of who you are. How did you never push back?”
I stiffened, feeling shame creep in. “I couldn’t.”
“I know that,” he immediately reassured. “I didn’t mean to suggest that you could have. You were trapped. Just like I was, and if anyone thinks you should have, then they have never been in a position where they had to do anything to survive.”
I relaxed a little. “I just…you know, it took a couple of times for me to learn how to disassociate from it. I would be there, but I would think of something—anything—else. Sometimes, I thought about all the ways I would one day pay him back for every foul thing he did or said. Other times, I imagined training with Vikter. When it was too hard to focus, I just counted. I would count as high as I could.”
He seemed to have stopped breathing. “I’m glad I killed him.”
“Me, too.” I cleared my throat. “Anyway, it wasn’t always easy, but sometimes, it was…easier to just do what they wanted, to be what they expected. I know that sounds terrible.”
“Maybe to those who’ve never survived a cane to the skin for no reason.” His voice had hardened. “We all do what we need to survive. I did countless things I never thought I would do,” he admitted freely without an ounce of shame. And I…