They didn't know him, not even after eight years of living side by side. They'd protected the secret of his Breed origins, but he'd given them nothing in return. They had offered him their trust and friendship, but he'd kept them out.
No more, he decided.
These three people - these humans, for crissake - had become his friends. They'd become his family, and it killed him that he was only seeing that just now. Now, when he would soon be forced to leave them behind.
"I haven't been fair to you," he said, giving a rueful shake of his head. "I've been lying to you all this time. You haven't even known my name. It's not Bowman. It's Kellan. My name is Kellan Archer."
Doc scowled, his black brows furrowing, brown eyes narrowing, suspicious. Nina cocked her indigo-haired head in question, her look of unease deepening. Only Candice met his gaze without perplexity or surprise. The sharp-witted, compassionate young woman had probably figured most of it out for herself the other day, when she and Mira had spoken. The two of them had formed something of a kinship - what might have become a friendship, if circumstances had been different.
She gave him a mild nod, and he cleared his throat to continue. "You've known from the beginning that I'm Breed. That's something I couldn't hope to hide from you. Candice and Doc, you knew it the night you pulled me from the Mystic and saved my life. Nina, you've known it for months. You've all known my secret and you kept it."
"We're your friends. That's what friends do for one another, Bow - " Doc's voice broke off abruptly, and he shook his head back and forth, blowing out a long sigh. "Friends watch your back. You've had ours too . . . Kellan?"
He nodded at the testing of his name. "I've still got your back, Javier. As long as I'm drawing breath, know that I'll watch all of your backs. And I want to lay it all out tonight, no more secrets. No more lies. I want you to know the truth - all of it. And part of my truth is sleeping in that room down the hall."
"You love her." Nina's expression had softened to one of understanding. Wistful and quiet, no doubt because of the love she'd known not so long ago. Known and lost, taken from her by whoever it was who'd absconded with Jeremy Ackmeyer's UV technology. "You've loved this woman for a long time, haven't you?"
Kellan nodded. "All my life. That's what it seems like. I've loved her since we were kids . . . when Mira and I both were raised by the Order."
No one said a word. Even Candice now looked at him in anticipation. "You are Order?"
"Was," he corrected. "A long time ago."
He told them about the destruction of his family's Darkhaven when he was thirteen years old, how he and his grandfather Lazaro Archer, the owner of the place they now occupied, were accepted into the Order's protection. He told them how he met an eight-year-old, pale-haired, stubborn little imp who'd refused to let him sulk over everything he'd lost, refusing to let him give up and forcing him to accept her as his friend. He told them how that same little imp had blossomed into an amazing woman and impressive warrior, how he and Mira had trained together with the Order, eventually becoming members of the same patrol team.
And then he told them how, after finally admitting to himself that he'd fallen in love with her, after at last giving in to the desire they shared for each other, his world came crashing down in an instant, when he glimpsed his future in her extraordinary eyes.
He told them about the warehouse explosion that should have killed him, but didn't. And how he'd been a coward, taking what he thought to be the easiest way out - running as far and as fast as he could from the vision he dreaded - and letting Mira and everyone else he cared about at the time believe he truly was dead.
"I thought I was being so careful, making sure our paths never crossed." He uttered a low curse. "And then the call came in from the field, after the grab on Ackmeyer didn't go off the way we'd planned. When I heard we snagged a member of the Order . . . a female warrior . . . I should've told you all then. I think I was still fooling myself that I could escape this. That I could evade the inevitable."
"Sounds like you're giving up, boss." Doc eyed him like the field surgeon he was, examining a mortal wound. "Sounds to me like you brought us here to say good-bye."
"I needed to do what I could to see that the three of you had the chance to come out of this unscathed," Kellan said, not yet ready to talk about farewells. "I want you to think about where you're heading with your lives, after all of this is over."
"What about you and Mira?" Candice asked gently.
He shook his head slowly, considering. "I need to know she's going to be safe too. She belongs with the Order; that's her family. They'll look after her. They'll help her through."
Candice watched him, her hazel-green eyes far too wise. "And you, Kellan? Where does all of this leave you?"
He grunted, wry with resignation. "Right back where I started."
At least he had honesty in this moment, with these people. At least he had a few precious days and nights with Mira, a gift that made any price he paid more than worth the cost.
He had her love.
She would always have his heart.
"I think she's finally awake," Nina said, a moment after Kellan heard a bump of movement coming from the bedroom down the hall.
He was already heading that way, jolted into action by a sudden burst of pain passed to him through the blood bond. His long strides ate up the distance. He opened the door and found the bed empty, covers pushed aside. "Mira?"
He saw her a second later, on the floor near the foot of the bed. Her hands were wrapped around her shin. As soon as Kellan opened the door, his nostrils flared with the inhaled punch of her lily-scented blood. "Jesus Christ. What happened?"
"N-nothing," she stammered. He saw now that she had a bleeding gash on her leg. "I must've been half asleep when I got out of bed. I banged my shin into the bed frame."
"I'll get you something for it." He dashed into the bathroom to wet a washcloth, then brought the cold compress back out to her. "Here, use this."