"What you're saying makes total sense. And I've pulled you into this, so it's definitely about you, too." She hugged her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. "It was strange afterward. I wanted him to come back to life so I could file charges with the police. I wanted to take that bastard to court and make him pay, have a role in putting him away so he never hurt anyone again. By protecting others from him, it would somehow make up for not being able to protect myself. So yeah, I understand."
She'd just never expected him to understand, not her invincible husband. Something warm unfurled inside her, relaxed and spread as he became a bit more human in her eyes.
Very human. And hunky. With the sleeping bag pooled around his waist, there was still plenty of na*ed Josh left for her eyes to feast on faster than a holiday dinner.
She tried to remember the reasons they'd split, why she shouldn't reach and explore the rough texture of dark hair sprinkled across his muscular pecs. She really tried not to think of splaying her fingers along the ridges of his flat belly.
Tried. Unsuccessfully.
Her mind reeled with images of doing each of those things and much more in the past. Yet all those undeniably erotic memories didn't come close to arousing her as much as simply gazing at him now,
boundaries lowered. No secrets between them.
A little voice niggled in the back of her head, reminding her that she'd only shared her secrets with him when pressed to the wall and surely that said things about their relationship she didn't want to think about.
Not now.
With the storm raging outside, the world on hold but threats still looming, she wanted to take this moment. Explore this deepening sensation.
Explore her husband.
Restraints snapped in her mind and she winged a silent cheer that they didn't have to worry about birth control thanks to her Norplant. Her hand floated up, gliding to a perfect landing on Josh's chest. A spark tingled through her fingertips, up her arm, singed deep in her stomach, and at just one touch. How much more could she have?
He clamped her wrist. But he didn't move her away. "Alicia," he growled. "This isn't smart."
"Maybe for once I'm smarter than you are. Or wiser at least. Wisdom is more important than smarts, don't you think?"
She flipped her hand to twine her fingers with his. Gliding forward, she trapped their linked hands between them, her br**sts flattening against the warm, hard wall of his chest. Her body writhed of its own volition in a sinuous arch against him, bringing her lips closer.
"I think you want me, too," she whispered against his mouth before her other hand slid to his lap and found... Oh, yeah. Her smile caressed him. "I know you want me."
"That's never been in question." "Then what is it?" "Your timing. I'm not clear on your reasoning." Great. She wanted Josh and he wanted logic.
Still, with the throbbing evidence of his arousal under her hand, she couldn't help but be touched by the fact that he was holding back for her. "I wish I could give you some fabulously brilliant Einstein-esque explanation, but I can't. I only know that this life-and-death-struggle business has pushed aside boundaries for me. Will they be in place again once we return to the real world? I hope not. But what if we don't get the chance to find out? What if now is all we have? I want now, Josh. I want you."
His already impressive arousal twitched in her hand, which she took as a definite endorsement to continue. She stroked upward to his chest until her palm landed on his heart again, perhaps just as strong an indicator of his intent as his erection.
"And how can you be sure this is right for you?" he asked, his heart slugging against her fingers.
"Maybe there's something liberating about knowing you don't have certain—" awkward moment alert! " —physical expectations from me. It seems like now I can just enjoy what I enjoy, the process, and not worry about the rest. While I know this isn't the most festive of settings, something about the season just makes me hopeful that maybe we can work things out. Could we try to believe that for now?"
His heart continued to thud an affirmative against her fingers. If only his brain and mouth would join in.
Alicia watched the war in his bottle-green eyes, until... She saw that glint, the glimmer of a man challenged. Yes. She canted forward.
He raised a hand between them. "We need to set some ground rules."
Good God, the man was going to talk her to death. What in the world was up with that? A guy wanting to talk while the woman wanted to jump in the sack before she had time to think. "Why can't we be impulsive? You're messing with the mood here."
He trailed a lone finger along the length of her nose, down to tap the upturned tip. "The mood's going to take care of itself just fine in a few minutes."
"Really?" She wanted to believe that. So much.
"Yes. But not if we go about this the same way we have before." "I'm not following you."
"Before, you kept secrets. I may be a few IQ points ahead of the rest of the curve, but I'm not a mind reader. I need you to tell me what you want."
Big-time awkward alert. "But you're experienced."