She reminded herself to be grateful that her sister was here. Healthy. Alive. The rest, they would deal with. Hyatt girls stuck together no matter what the world threw their way.
If only she didn't feel like such a failure. This time, there would be no Barbie Band-Aid that could make her sister's hurts go away.
Monica reorganized her supply tray, gauze rolls, tape, alcohol swabs. Intellectually, she understood this wasn't her fault. But that didn't ease the brain-searing sense that she was responsible for watching out for Sydney, a duty that had been ingrained in her since childhood.
Ingrained.
Hadn't Jack said something close to the same thing about the way his father expected him to kick ass for women? Of course Jack knew his wife's death wasn't his fault, but that wouldn't stop the guilt or pain. How odd to find a common ground in this.
At least something made sense in this whole crazy day. She couldn't stop the snarl of emotions tangling tighter inside her, as never-ending and convoluted as the cables along the C-17's ceiling. But for her sister's sake, she would contain herself a little longer.
Her sister didn't need her falling apart right now. Sydney had enough to worry about with Blake crawling around in tunnels working SSE to reestablish airfield security so there wouldn't be a repeat of what happened to Jack. The tangle knotted tighter in her stomach until the threads began to fray.
Rustling sounds of Sydney dressing slowed. Monica turned, hitched up onto the edge of the litter to sit beside her sister. "Whatever you need, I'm here."
"I know. And thank you. I'm trying not to make too many plans yet. I want to take the next few months off from work, spend time with Blake, get my head together. Heal." Her mouth lifted into a sad, one-sided watery smile. "Have a baby."
The smile creasing Sydney's sunburned face clenched the snarl around Monica's heart. Her sister's pale complexion never could tolerate more than fifteen minutes at the beach without sunblock. How damned silly to obsess over the fact that no one gave Sydney sunscreen when so much worse had been inflicted upon her and the other two hostages.
Monica slung an arm around her sister's shoulders. Sydney slid one right back around Monica's waist and they simply sat, heads tipped and touching, connected by blood and bonds years in the making.
The raveling emotions inside Monica multiplied until they strained against her Ziploc-seal control. Damned if it didn't feel like Sydney seemed to be propping more than being propped.
Sydney slipped a fresh stick of gum into her mouth. "How wild is it having Yasmine here?"
Monica snorted, let the dry humor ease the tangle a bit. God, what she wouldn't give for one of Jack's jokes right now. "She's not quite so obnoxious, anymore."
"She never really was except around you." Sydney's smile dimpled both sides of her face below wise eyes. "You two didn't bring out the best in each other."
Instinctive defensiveness eased as more perceptions shifted. "I guess not."
Sydney studied the tops of her dusty sandals, her toes flexing and relaxing while the hum of activity beyond them droned into an indistinguishable blur of noise. "Part of the reason I came here was to find some peace about her."
"Yasmine?"
"Our mother."
Apparently she wasn't the only one keeping emotions, fears and unanswered questions locked tight. "You always seemed okay with things growing up."
"No one is okay with their mother walking out on her kids for some rich dude." Sydney snapped her gum in a minibubble.
"I guess not." The million-dollar question knocked at her brain. "Do you think she really loved him?"
"God, I hope so. I would hate to think she left us just for the money. But I guess we'll never know for sure. Maybe there aren't any answers here for us." Her hand curled protectively over her belly.
How damned sad to think there would be no answers since they'd both come so far and hurt so much to find them. Would they ever be able to move forward?
Were they both fated to a life on hold?
The noise faded around her. Her mind focused inward. Her world levered sideways until it righted when she hadn't even realized how off-kilter it had been.
She didn't have to stop living life while waiting for her answers. Just as Jack had said. Santuci, too. They didn't need the full picture or a total plan to forge ahead as long as they knew they were on the right path. And she'd almost thrown away their relationship because she hadn't fully understood the importance of living in the moment. "I'm learning we don't have to know all the answers about our childhood right now. We found some new pieces of the puzzle, and we're putting it all together. We're getting there. Making progress. That's good."
"What's this laid-back attitude?" Sydney cocked a brow. "Who are you and what have you done with my sister?"
Monica laughed because Sydney needed it. But the emotional tangles were still multiplying with illogical but real guilt over her sister's pain. Over the pain she'd caused Jack during the past months.
Sydney gave Monica's waist a gentle squeeze-hug while the privacy curtain rippled with the drift of a muggy breeze blowing into the open aircraft. "Thank you for being here."