"Seems more logical, doesn't it?"
So why had he made the choice? A subconscious yearning for something different? That gave her pause. "Are you happy with your current assignment?"
"Charleston has amazing beaches and barrier islands, not as mountainous as the seaside here, but no less awesome. I think you could like it in South Carolina."
Thank goodness for his relaxing touch because her muscles were kinking again. Not that there was any real decision to be made. Of course she would go to the States and Charleston was the logical location to settle. Lucia needed to know her father. Tomas had roots there.
She and Lucas were married and she loved him. Totally. In a world swirling with turmoil and decisions, she couldn't hide from that very clear reality.
So why did things still feel strangely…off? "I guess the time has come to discuss the future in concrete terms."
"Yeah, here we are again, sitting in bed together talking about being married." He rubbed down her arms, his hot breath drying her damp hair. "Are you going to call my marriage discussion 'bull' again?"
She winced. Could she have really been that heartless? Or so selfishly heart-hurt by his duty proposal that she'd brushed off his words as if they didn't matter.
Sara turned in his arms, her hand to his chest. "I wish I had treasured you more then."
His forehead creased. "I don't know what to say to something like that."
"You don't have to say anything." She tapped his mouth. "Why not just let me love you?"
He blinked twice then nipped her finger. "You know we can't do anything here tonight. But I promise you can have your way with me after we land in Charleston."
"That's not what I meant."
Maybe she should have held off on deep discussions until they were no longer exhausted and vulnerable. She wasn't sure what she planned to say or even how to articulate what she hadn't been able to understand in five years. But at least they were communicating.
"You are an amazing man. You've made opportunities for yourself with little or no help. You take care of the world, clearing up other people's problems and mistakes without ever allowing yourself the least human foible."
His brow trenched deeper. "Is this a more sophisticated way of saying 'bull'?"
"Not at all. I used to envy that about you. I've worked very hard to be a stronger, better person—for our child, for me, and also because you deserve the best. I refuse to be anything but my best."
The rest crystallized in her mind like one of her bubbles in flight. "The problem is, if we are to be a truly committed couple, I need to be allowed to love you as much as you love me. I need to care for you as much as you care for me."
She smoothed her hands over that broad chest in uniform, so capable and strong it would be easy to rest her head against it for a lifetime. But she wasn't the selfish girl any longer. Her love ran deeper.
"I know there's nothing you can't handle on your own, so it's difficult for you to need anyone." She tapped his temple. "But it must be a very lonely place in there." She tapped his chest, over his heart. "In here, as well."
"You're saying if I don't... what? Cry at your feet or cut open my heart for you, then we can't be together?" His chest pumped with each ragged—angry?—breath. "That's not who I am and you know it."
Frustration frothed higher along with disappointment. She'd been so hopeful with the flowers and his opening up at least a little. "Lucas, I just want y—"
He stood abruptly, scattering petals over the floor, much like her fragmented thoughts as she scrambled to put the pieces of her world together again.
"You should be relaxing. That's what tonight was supposed to have been about for you. We have time to work through the rest." He didn't dodge looking at her, but he may as well have. His face blanked, the expressionless commander in place again, taking control and shutting out the world—including her. "I need to check on scheduling for tomorrow night's flight out."
Pivoting on his heel, he tugged open the door and left.
That was it? He'd walked out? She bit back the urge to jerk open the door and shout for him to march his fine-looking self back into their room.
Wouldn't that surprise his flyers?
Except he was right that they had plenty of time to talk later. A whole life of days now.
Why push this hard to clarify things between them, rather than simply reveling in their reunion? But she couldn't escape the now-or-never sensation. Here, they were on an even footing of sorts.
Once they landed in the States, she would need so much from him while acclimating to a new country, re-learning to make choices, wiser ones this time. Even looking into what Tomas had said about professional help to "decompress." If she didn't settle things with Lucas now, how long would it be before she had another chance to be his partner? Something she wanted with every fiber of her adult soul.