She ran her hands across her belly and stepped back. She wanted distance. I took hold of her, panicked she was about to say what I thought she was about to say.
“Don’t,” I said.
She brought her tear-filled eyes to mine. “But you already did. When you assumed I could be the type of person to do that, you admitted you didn’t know me at all. How can you claim to love someone you don’t know?”
“No,” I told her, hugging her tighter, willing her to forgive me. “Don’t, January. Please, I’m sorry. So, so sorry. Please,” I begged, “I couldn’t survive if you broke my heart.”
“Stop,” she said, openly bawling. “I’ve heard enough.”
Crying, she began to push me toward the door, but I refused to move. I just couldn’t accept that it was over. I refused to acknowledge it.
She stood tall and stepped back from me. “Get out,” she whispered, continuing backward.
I watched as she inched her way to the stairwell and disappeared up the stairs. I was unmovable in the moment, my heart shattered at my feet and the one person capable of assembling the shards back into a working organ once more wanted nothing to do with me. And I deserved it.
I shuffled my leaden feet across the shop floor, closed the door behind me...
And pulled my hood over my head.
Chapter Twelve
This Too Shall Pass
New York City
Kelly’s Wedding
Thomas
I walked into that wedding without a moment to spare. I say walked. I dragged my ass is more like it. Dragged because my body may as well have weighed as much as the Brooklyn Bridge for all the motivation I had to get out of bed.
Because January left me. She fucking left me and it was all my fault. For the first time in my entire life, I knew what it truly meant to be in love with someone, to know exactly who you’re meant to be with, and never having a chance in hell of reconciling what you never intended to fuck up.
I found my family and squeezed in next to Harper while the organ played.
“Oh, Jesus! You scared me!” Harper said, grasping her chest. She hugged me fiercely and kissed my cheek. A small tear escaped her eye. “It’s so good to see you, friend.”
“You have no idea,” I said, hugging her back.
I stood and hugged all my friends, lingering a bit at Cherry.
“My lovely Cherry, how are you?”
“I have never been happier to see you in all my life,” she admitted, “but you look like shit.” She peered around me. “Where’s your girl, baby?” The expression on my face must have revealed it all and her smile fell. I shook my head. “Oh, Tommy. It’ll be okay. Let me help you fix this.”
ked at him, a slight sarcastic smile on my face. “No, that’s okay. I’m done with this toxic shit, Tom. I don’t know what your problem is, frankly I don’t care, but it’s enough for me to realize that I better get out now, suffer the heartache and give myself a chance to find someone who won’t ditch me or treat me like crap without talking to me about whatever’s bothering him. I don’t trust you anymore.”
The cab pulled up beside me and I opened the door. Tom’s hand came crushing over the edge, shutting it tight.
“Drive on!” He told the driver and the cab sped away.
“What the hell!” I yelled in his face, not in the mood for his games.
“Listen to me,” he pleaded. “Just listen to me for a second.”
“No way in hell.” I used the classic women’s "don’t fuck with me" expression and he backed off a bit. I held up my hand for the next oncoming cab and it pulled up beside me. “You must mistake me for a sucker, Tom. I know exactly what’s going on. You want out. You regret your time with me...”
“No!” He began but I cut him off with my hand.