“Great, I just embarrassed myself in front of your entire family.”
“I’m so sorry, January,” he said, running his hands over his face and through his hair. “This was not how this was supposed to go.”
I led him into my room and shut the door. “You attacked my cousin.”
“About that,” Tom said, sighing deeply. “I’m so sorry,” he began but stopped short when I burst out laughing. “What?”
“Nothing, I just- never mind. Why are you here?”
Tom stood tall and stepped closer to me, grabbing my shoulders in the process. “I’m in love with you, January MacLochlainn, and I want you to take me back.”
The tears had already started flowing. I couldn’t stop them. His mere touch was enough to break me down. “Why?”
“Because you love me as well.”
“No, I don’t,” I lied.
“Yes, you do.”
My head fell toward my feet and a soft sob escaped my lips. “You hurt me so badly, Tom. For weeks, I felt like I had to tiptoe around you. I was walking on eggshells and when I finally felt comfortable enough to stomp around, you pulled the rug out from under me. I don’t think I could take another surprise like that. It’s not healthy, no matter how much I’m in love with you.”
“January,” he said, hugging me closely. Irrationally, I worried that my hair would soak his shirt. “I am so sorry for not trusting you in Europe. I never really believed you would betray me like that. I think I was just scared of what you are to me.”
“And what am I to you?” I asked, looking up into his blue eyes.
“You’re the love of my life, January MacLochlainn,” he said without shame.
He ran his hands along my forehead and down my face, stopping at my collarbone. He stared at me like I was the last woman on Earth.
And the tears came in droves. “Don’t say things like that to me, Tom.”
“I’m not just saying them because I think that’s what you want to hear. I’m telling you this because it’s the truth. I can’t live without you, J. You’re it. You’re it. Get me?”
I nodded, afraid to speak. He took me in his arms and brought me closer, inching me nearer to his chest slowly as if he was frightened I’d spook. His eyes searched my face like he was drinking me in for the last time. “God, I love you,” he said without thinking.
He brought his mouth to mine and I could feel the desperation he felt for me. It matched mine completely. I grazed my hands up his shoulders and wrapped them around his neck. Staring at him afforded me the first sense of peace I’d felt in the weeks since I last saw him.
His lips moved over mine languidly and I felt drunk from the warmth of his breath. His bottom lip trembled against mine in restraint and I decided to give him the permission he was begging for.
I pressed the kiss deeper, breathing in deeply through my nose. I was on the brink of ecstasy. Incredible, I thought. I broke free a moment and told him how I felt before diving back in.
“January,” he whispered, sending a thrill up my arms and legs, where it pooled in my belly.
His tongue stung sweetly and I realized I wanted to be the only one who would be able to taste him forever. We edged slowly toward the bed, never breaking the kiss and toppled onto my disheveled quilt. Tom was wedged between my legs and my robe came undone a little, the edge of my breasts exposed.
We stopped for just a moment, realizing where things were headed. His eyes roamed my entire body before he ran the backs of two fingers over the exposed skin at my chest. “You’re so beautiful, January,” he told me.
I brought him closer to me and I kissed him fiercely. I was ready for him.
“I want you,” I told him.
“I want you too,” he said, kissing me deeper.
His right hand followed the line of my body starting at my shoulders, his thumb cupping underneath my breast before continuing down, pinching my hip and holding the back of my thigh, bringing my leg up and around him.
This seemed to bring something out in me but stilled him. I peppered his face and neck with kisses.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.