Guards! Guards! (Discworld 8)

“We never intended this,” he said weakly. “Honestly. No offence. We just wanted what was due to us.”

A skeletal hand patted him on the shoulder, not unkindly.

And Death said, congratulations.

...

Apart from the Supreme Grand Master, the only Elucidated Brother to be away at the time of the dragon was Brother Fingers. He'd been sent out for some pizzas. Brother Fingers was always the one sent out for takeaway food. It was cheaper. He'd never bothered to master the art of paying for things.

When the guards rolled up just behind Errol, Brother Fingers was standing with a stack of cardboard boxes in his hands and his mouth open.

Where the dread portal should have been was a warm melted patch of assorted substances.

“Oh, my goodness,” said Lady Ramkin.

Vimes slid down from the coach and tapped Brother Fingers on the shoulder.

“Excuse me, sir,” he said, “did you by any chance see what-”

When Brother Fingers turned towards him his face was the face of a man who has hang-glided over the entrance to Hell. He kept opening and shutting his mouth but no words were coming out.

Vimes tried again. The sheer terror frozen in Brother Fingers's expression was getting to him.

“If you would be so kind to accompany me to the Yard,” said Vimes, “I have reason to believe that you-” He hesitated. He wasn't entirely certain what it was that he had reason to believe. But the man was clearly guilty. You could tell just by looking at him. Not, perhaps, guilty of anything specific. Just guilty in general terms.

“Mmmmmuh,” said Brother Fingers.

Sergeant Colon gently lifted the lid of the top box.

“What do you make of it, Sergeant?” said Vimes, stepping back.

“Er. It looks like a Klatchian Hots with anchovies, sir,” said Sergeant Colon knowledgeably.

o;Don't even say it,” warned Colon.

“The best bit is when you stick the knife in and crack the fat and all the browny gold stuff bubbles up,” said Carrot dreamily. “A moment like that is worth a ki-”

“Shutup! Shutup!” shouted Colon. “You're just- what the hell was that?”

They felt the sudden downdraught, saw the mist above them roll into coils that broke against the house walls. A blast of colder air swept along the street, and was gone.

“It was like something gliding past, up there somewhere,” said the sergeant. He froze. “Here, you don't think-?”

“We saw it killed, didn't we?” said Nobby urgently.

“We saw it vanish, ” said Carrot.

They looked at one another, alone and damp in the mist-shrouded street. There could be anything up there. The imagination peopled the dank air with terrible apparitions. And what was worse was the knowledge that Nature might have done an even better job.

“Nah,” said Colon. “It was probably just some . . . some big wading bird. Or something.”

“Isn't there anything we should do?” said Carrot.

“Yes,” said Nobby. “We should go away quickly. Remember Gaskin.”

“Maybe it's another dragon,” said Carrot. “We should warn people and-”

“No,” said Sergeant Colon vehemently, “because, Ae, they wouldn't believe us and, Bee, we've got a king now. 'S his job, dragons.”