And I'm not a hero. I'm out of condition, and I need a drink, and I get a handful of dollars a month without plumes allowance. That's not hero's pay. Heroes get kingdoms and princesses, and they take regular exercise, and when they smile the light glints off their teeth, ting. The bastards.
Sweat stung his eyes. The rush of adrenaline that had carried him out of the palace had spent itself, and was now exacting its inevitable toll.
He stumbled to a halt, and grabbed a wall to keep him upright while he gasped for air. And thus he saw the figures on the rooftop.
Oh, no! he thought. They're not heroes either! What do they think they're playing at?
...
It was a million-to-one chance. And who was to say that, somewhere in the millions of other possible universes, it might not have worked?
That was the sort of thing the gods really liked. But Chance, who sometimes can overrule even the gods, has 999,999 casting votes.
In this universe, for example, the arrow bounced off a scale and clattered away into oblivion.
Colon stared as the dragon's pointed tail passed overhead.
“It . . . missed . . .”he mouthed.
“But it couldn't of missed!” He stared red-eyed at the other two. “It was a sodding last desperate million-to-one chance!”
The dragon twisted its wings, swung its huge bulk around on a pivot of air, and bore down on the roof.
Carrot grabbed Nobby around the waist and laid a hand on Colon's shoulder.
The sergeant was weeping with rage and frustration.
“Million-to-bloody-one last desperate bloody chance!”
“Sarge-”
The dragon flamed.
It was a beautifully controlled line of plasma. It went through the roof like butter.
It cut through stairways.
It crackled into ancient timbers and made them twist like paper. It sliced into pipes.
It punched through floor after floor like the fist of an angry god and, eventually, reached the big copper vat containing a thousand gallons of freshly-made mature whisky-type spirit.
It burned into that, too.
Fortunately, the chances of anyone surviving the ensuing explosion were exactly a million-to-one.
...
The fireball rose like a-well, a rose. A huge orange rose, streaked with yellow. It took the roof with it and wrapped it around the astonished dragon, lifting it high into the air in a boiling cloud of broken timber and bits of piping.
The crowd watched in bemusement as the superhot blast flung it into the sky and barely noticed Vimes as he pushed his way, wheezing and crying, through the press of bodies.
He shouldered past a row of palace guards and shambled as fast as he could across the flagstones. No-one was paying him much attention at the moment.
He stopped.
It wasn't a rock, because Ankh-Morpork was on loam. It was just some huge remnant of mortared masonry, probably thousands of years old, from somewhere in the city foundations. Ankh-Morpork was so old now that what it was built on, by and large, was Ankh-Morpork.
It had been dragged into the centre of the plaza, and Lady Sybil Ramkin had been chained to it. She appeared to be wearing a nightie and huge rubber boots. By the look of her she had been in a fight, and Vimes felt a momentary pang of sympathy for whoever else had been involved. She gave him a look of pure fury.