Guards! Guards! (Discworld 8)

The ape shook his head.

“Well, noticeably evil, then?-”

The ape shrugged, and shook his head again.

“If I were you, ” said Vimes, “I'd put that book somewhere very safe. And the book of the Law with it. They're too bloody dangerous. ”

“Oook.”

Vimes stretched. ' 'And now,'' he said, ' 'let's go and have a drink. "

“Oook. ”

“But just a small one. ”

“Oook.”

' 'And you 're paying.''

“Eeek. ”

Vimes stopped and stared down at the big, mild face.

“Tell me,” he said. “I've always wanted to know . . . is it better, being an ape?”

The Librarian thought about it. “Oook,” he said.

“Oh. Really?” said Vimes.

...

It was the next day. The room was wall-to-wall with civic dignitaries. The Patrician sat on his severe chair, surrounded by the Council. Everyone present was wearing the shiny waxen grins of those bent on good works.

Lady Sybil Ramkin sat off to one side, wearing a few acres of black velvet. The Ramkin family jewels glittered on her fingers, neck and in the black curls of today's wig. The total effect was striking, like a globe of the heavens.

Vimes marched the rank to the centre of the hall and stamped to a halt with his helmet under his arm, as per regulations. He'd been amazed to see that even Nobby had made an effort-the suspicion of shiny metal could be seen here and there on his breastplate. And Colon was wearing an expression of almost constipated importance. Carrot's armour gleamed.

Colon ripped off a textbook salute for the first time in his life.

“All present and correct, sah!” he barked.

“Very good, Sergeant,” said Vimes coldly. He turned to the Patrician and raised an eyebrow politely.

Lord Vetinari gave a little wave of his hand.

“Stand easy, or whatever it is you chaps do,” he said. “I'm sure we needn't wait on ceremony here. What do you say, Captain?”

“Just as you like, sir,” said Vimes.

“Now, men,” said the Patrician, leaning forward, “we have heard some remarkable accounts of your magnificent efforts in defence of the city ...”

Vimes let his mind wander as the golden platitudes floated past. For a while he derived a certain amount of amusement from watching the faces of the Council. A whole sequence of expressions drifted across them as the Patrician spoke. It was, of course, vitally important that there be a ceremony like this. Then the whole thing could be neat and settled. And forgotten. Just another chapter in the long and exciting history of eckcetra, eckcetra. Ankh-Morpork was good at starting new chapters.

His trawling gaze fell on Lady Ramkin. She winked. Vimes's eyes swivelled front again, his expression suddenly as wooden as a plank.

“... token of our gratitude,” the Patrician finished, sitting back.

Vimes realised that everyone was looking at him.