Pyramids (Discworld 7)

And the mason spun away, holding his right hand by the wrist, fighting it, screaming . . .

Teppic gripped the arms of the throne and glared at the high priest.

'But it's a gesture of fellowship, nothing more. Where I come from-'

'Where you come from, sire, is here!' thundered Dios.

'But, good grief, cutting it off? It's too cruel!'

Dios stepped forward. Now his voice was back to its normal oil-smooth tones.

'Cruel, sire? But it will be done with precision and care, with drugs to take away the pain. He will certainly live.

'But why?'

'I did explain, sire. He cannot use the hand again without defiling it. He is a devout man and knows this very well. You see, sire, you are a god, sire.'

'But you can touch me. So can the servants!'

'I am a priest, sire,' said Dios gently. 'And the servants have special dispensation.'

Teppic bit his lip.

'This is barbaric,' he said.

Dios's features did not move.

'It will not be done,' Teppic said. 'I am the king. I forbid it to be done, do you understand?'

Dios bowed. Teppic recognised No.49, Horrified Disdain.

'Your wish will certainly be done, O fountain of all wisdom. Although, of course, the man himself may take matters into, if you will excuse me, his own hands.'

'What do you mean?' snapped Teppic.

'Sire, if his colleagues had not stopped him he would have done it himself. With a chisel, I understand.'

Teppic stared at him and thought, I am a stranger in a familiar land.

'I see,' he said eventually.

He thought a little further.

'Then the - operation is to be done with all care, and the man is to be given a pension afterwards, d'you see?'

'As you wish, sire.'

'A proper one, too.'

'Indeed, sire. A golden handshake, sire,' said Dios impassively.

'And perhaps we can find him some light job around the palace?'

'As a one-handed stonemason, sire?' Dios's left eyebrow arched a fraction.

'As whatever, Dios.'

'Certainly, sire. As you wish. I will undertake to see if we are currently short-handed in any department.'