The Light Fantastic (Discworld 2)

'It might be “tsff”,' said Rincewind doubtfully. If anything the colour became a dirtier shade of brown.

wind said another word.

Then he said, in a lower and more urgent tone, 'Actually, I don't think I can hang on any longer.'

'Try.'

'It's no good, I can feel my hand slipping!'

Twoflower sighed. It was time for harsh measures. 'All right, then,' he said. 'Drop, then. See if I care.'

'What?' said Rincewind, so astonished he forgot to let go.

'Go on, die. Take the easy way out.'

'Easy?' .

'All you have to do is plummet screaming through the air and break every bone in your body,' said Twoflower. 'Anybody can do it. Go on. I wouldn't want you to think that perhaps you ought to stay alive because we need you to say the Spells and save the Disc. Oh, no. Who cares if we all get burned up? Go on, just think of yourself. Drop.'

There was a long, embarrassed silence.

'I don't know why it is,' said Rincewind eventually, in a voice rather louder than necessary, 'but ever since I met you I seem to have spent a lot of time hanging by my fingers over certain depth, have you noticed?'

'Death,' corrected Twoflower.

'Death what?' said Rincewind.

'Certain death,' said Twoflower helpfully, trying to ignore the slow but inexorable slide of his body across the flagstones. 'Hanging over certain death. You don't like heights.'

'Heights I don't mind,' said Rincewind's voice from the darkness. 'Heights I can live with. It's depths that are occupying my attention at the moment. Do you know what I'm going to do when we get out of this?'

'No?' said Twoflower, wedging his toes into a gap in the flagstones and trying to make himself immobile by sheer force of will.

'I'm going to build a house in the flattest country I can find and it's only going to have a ground floor and I'm not even going to wear sandals with thick soles —'

The leading torch came around the last turn of the spiral and Twoflower looked down on the grinning face of Cohen. Behind him, still hopping awkwardly up the stones, he could make out the reassuring bulk of the Luggage.

'Everything all right?' said Cohen. 'Can I do anything?'

Rincewind took a deep breath.

Twoflower recognised the signs. Rincewind was about to say something like, 'Yes, I've got this itch on the back of my neck, you couldn't scratch it, could you, on your way past?' or 'No, I enjoy hanging over bottomless drops' and he decided he couldn't possibly face that. He spoke very quickly.

'Pull Rincewind back onto the stairs,' he snapped. Rincewind deflated in mid-snarl.

Cohen caught him around the waist and jerked him unceremoniously onto the stones.

'Nasty mess down on the floor down there,' he said conversationally. 'Who was it?'

'Did it—' Rincewind swallowed, 'did it have – you know – tentacles and things?'

'No,' said Cohen. 'Just the normal bits. Spread out a bit, of course.'

Rincewind looked at Twoflower, who shook his head.

'Just a wizard who let things get on top of him,' he said.

Unsteadily, with his arms screaming at him, Rincewind let himself be helped back onto the roof of the tower.