Moving Pictures (Discworld 10)

'Because someone like Sham Harp will pay you a lo- quite a lot of money,' said Dibbler.

They stared at the card.

'I've eaten at Harga's House of Ribs,' said Victor. 'I wouldn't say it's the best. Not the best. A long way from being the best.' He thought for a bit. 'About as far away from being the best as you can get, in fact.'

'That doesn't matter,' said Dibbler sharply. 'That's not important.'

'But,' Silverfish said, 'if we went around saying Harga's House of Ribs was the best place in the city, what would all the other restaurants think?'

Dibbler leaned across the table.

'They'd think,' he said, ' “Why didn't we think of it first?” '

He sat back. Silverfish flashed him a look of bright incomprehension.

'Just run that past me one more time, will you?' he said.

'They'll want to do exactly the same thing!' said Dibbler.

'I know,' said Victor. 'They'll want us to hold up cards with things on like “Harga's Isn't the Best Place in Town, Actually, Ours Is”.'

'Something like that, something like that,' snapped Dibbler, glaring at him. 'Maybe we can work on the words, but something like that.'

'But, but,' Silverfish fought to keep ahead of the conversation, 'Harga won't like it, will he? If he pays us money to say his place is best, and then we take money from other people to say that their place is best, then he's bound to-'

'Pay us more money,' said Dibbler, 'to say it again, only in larger letters.'

They stared at him.

'You really think that will work?' said Silverfish.

'Yes,' said Dibbler flatly. 'You listen to the street traders any morning. They don't shout, “Nearly-fresh oranges, only slightly squashy, reasonable value”, do they? No, they shout, “Git chore orinjes, they're luvverly”. Good business sense.'

He leaned across the desk again.

'Seems to me', he said, 'that you could do with some of that around here.'

'So it appears,' said Silverfish weakly.

'And with the money,' said Dibbler, his voice a crowbar inserted in the cracks in reality, 'you could really get on with perfecting your art.'

Silverfish brightened a bit. 'That's true,' he said. 'For example, some way of getting sound on-'

Dibbler wasn't listening. He pointed to a stack of boards leaning against the wall.

'What are those?' he said.

'Ah,' said Silverfish. 'That was my idea. We thought it would be, er, good business sense', he savoured the words as if they were some rare new sweet, 'to tell people about the other moving pictures we were making.'

Dibbler picked up one of the boards and held it critically at arm's length.

It said:

Nexte weke wee will be Shewing

Pelias and Melisande,

A Romantick Tragedie in Two Reels.