Moving Pictures (Discworld 10)

'Plus our contract says we get five pence extra for use of own club,' said the other troll.

'If we could just get started-' Silverfish began.

'Why's there only two trolls?' complained Dibbler. 'What's heroic about fighting two trolls? I asked for twenty, didn't I?'

'Two's fine by me,' Victor called out.

'Listen, Mr Dibbler,' said Silverfish, 'I know you're trying to help, but the basic economics-'

Silverfish and Dibbler started to argue. Gaffer the handleman sighed and took the back off the moving-picture-box to feed and water the demons, who were complaining.

Victor leaned on his sword.

'Do a lot of this sort of thing, do you?' he said to the trolls.

'Yeah,' said Galena. 'All the time. Like, in A King's Ransom, I play a troll who rushed out an' hit people. An' in The Dark Forest, I play a troll who rushed out an' hit people. An', an', in Mystery Mountain I play a troll who rushed out, an' jumped up an' down on people. It doesn't pay to get type-cast.'

'And do you do the same thing?' said Victor, to the other troll.

'Oh, Morraine's a character actor, ain't you?' said Galena. 'Best in the business.'

'What does he play?'

'Rocks.'

Victor stared.

'On account of his craggy features,' Galena went on. 'Not just rocks. You should see him do an ancient monolith. You'd be amazed. Go on, Morry, show 'im yer inscription.'

'Nah,' said Morraine, grinning sheepishly.

'I'm thinking of changing my name for movin' pictures,' Galena went on. 'Somethin' with a bit o' class. I thought “Flint”.' He gave Victor a worried look, insofar as Victor was any judge of the range of expressions available to a face that looked as though it had been kicked out of granite with a pair of steel-toed boots. 'What you fink?' he said.

'Er. Very nice.'

'More dynamic, I fought,' said the prospective Flint.

Victor heard himself say: 'Or Rock. Rock's a nice name.'

The troll stared at him, its lips moving soundlessly as it tried out the alias.

'Cor,' he said. 'Never fought of that. Rock. I like that. I reckon I'd be due more'n three dollars a day, with a name like Rock.'

'Can we make a start?' said Dibbler sternly. 'Maybe we'll be able to afford more trolls if this is a successful click, but it won't be if we go over budget, which means we ought to wrap it up by lunchtime. Now, Morry and Galena-'

'Rock,' corrected Rock.

'Really? Anyway, you two rush out and attack Victor, OK. Right . . . turn it . . . '

The handleman turned the handle of the picture box. There was a faint clicking noise and a chorus of small yelps from the demons. Victor stood looking helpful and alert.

'That means you start,' said Silverfish patiently. 'The trolls rush out from behind the rocks, and you valiantly defend yourself.'

'But I don't know how to fight trolls!' Victor wailed.

'Tell you what,' said the newly-christened Rock. 'You parry first, and we'll sort of arrange not to hit you.'

Light dawned.