Moving Pictures (Discworld 10)

'There's got to be more to it than that!' said Dibbler.

'Like what?' Silverfish demanded.

'Oh, I don't know. Razzmatazz. Oomph. The old zonkaroonie.'

'Funny noises? We haven't got sound.'

itle, however, was Silverfish's. Although Dibbler had assured him that Cohen the Barbarian was practically historical and certainly educational, Silverfish had held out against Valley of Blud!

Victor was handed what looked like a leather purse but which turned out to be his costume. He changed behind a couple of rocks.

He was also given a large, blunt sword.

'Now,' said Dibbler, who was sitting in a canvas chair, 'what you do is, you fight the trolls, rush up and untie the girl from the stake, fight the other trolls, and then run off behind that other rock over there. That's the way I see it. What do you say, Tommy?'

'Well, I-' Silverfish began.

'That's great,' said Dibbler. 'OK. Yes, Victor?'

'You mentioned trolls. What trolls?' said Victor.

The two rocks unfolded themselves.

'Don't you worry about a fing, mister,' said the nearest one. 'Me and ole Galena over there have got this down pat.'

'Trolls!' said Victor, backing away.

'That's right,' said Galena. He flourished a club with a nail in it.

'But, but,' Victor began.

'Yeah?' said the other troll.

What Victor would like to have said was: but you're trolls, fierce animated rocks that live in the mountains and bash travellers with huge clubs very similar to the ones you're holding now, and I thought when they said trolls they meant ordinary men dressed up in, oh, I don't know, sacking painted grey or something.

'Oh, good,' he said weakly. 'Er.'

'And don't you go listening to them stories about us eatin' people,' said Galena. 'That's a slander, that is. I mean, we're made of rock, what'd we want to eat people-'

'Swaller,' said the other troll. 'You mean swaller.'

'Yeah. What's we want to swaller people for? We always spit out the bits. And anyway we're retired from all that now,' he added quickly. 'Not that we ever did it.' He nudged Victor in a friendly fashion, nearly breaking one of his ribs. 'It's good here,' he said conspiratorially. 'We get three dollars a day plus a dollar barrier cream allowance for daylight working.'

'On account of turning to stone until nightfall otherwise, what is a pain,' said his companion.

'Yeah, an' it holds up shooting and people strike matches on you.'

'Plus our contract says we get five pence extra for use of own club,' said the other troll.

'If we could just get started-' Silverfish began.

'Why's there only two trolls?' complained Dibbler. 'What's heroic about fighting two trolls? I asked for twenty, didn't I?'

'Two's fine by me,' Victor called out.

'Listen, Mr Dibbler,' said Silverfish, 'I know you're trying to help, but the basic economics-'

Silverfish and Dibbler started to argue. Gaffer the handleman sighed and took the back off the moving-picture-box to feed and water the demons, who were complaining.