Moving Pictures (Discworld 10)

There was a general murmur of interest.

Victor carefully laid something yellow and wobbly on the side of his plate.

'Tell me,' he said thoughtfully, 'while you've been filming, have any of you had a . . . heard a sort of . . . felt that you were . . . ' He hesitated. They were all looking at him. 'I mean, did you ever feel something was acting through you? I can't think of any other way to put it.'

His fellow diners relaxed.

'Days just Holy Wood,' said the troll. 'It gets to you. It's all dis creativity sloshin' about.'

'That was a pretty bad attack you had, though,' said Ginger.

'Happens all the time,' said the dwarf reflectively. 'It's just Holy Wood. Last week, me and the lads were working on Tales of the Dwarfes and suddenly we all started singing.

Just like that. Just like this song came into our heads, all at once. What d'you think of that?'

'What song?' said Ginger.

'Search me. We just call it the “Hiho” song. That's all it was. Hihohiho. Hihohiho.'

'Sound like every other dwarf song I ever did hear,' rumbled the troll.

It was past two o'clock when they got back to the moving-picture-making place. The handleman had the back off the picture box and was scraping at its floor with a small shovel.

Dibbler was asleep in his canvas chair with a handkerchief over his face. But Silverfish was wide awake.

'Where have you two been?' he shouted.

'I was hungry,' said Victor.

'And you'll jolly well stay hungry, my lad, because-'

Dibbler lifted the corner of his handkerchief.

'Let's get started,' he muttered.

'But we can't have performers telling us-'

'Finish the click, and then sack him,' said Dibbler.

'Right!' Silverfish waved a threatening finger at Victor and Ginger. 'You'll never work in this town again!'

They got through the afternoon somehow. Dibbler made them bring a horse in, and cursed the handleman because the picture box still couldn't be moved around. The demons complained. So they put the horse head-on in front of the box and Victor bounced up and down in the saddle. As Dibbler said, it was good enough for moving pictures.

Afterwards, Silverfish very grudgingly paid them two dollars each and dismissed them.

'He'll tell all the other alchemists,' said Ginger dispiritedly. 'They stick together like glue.'

'I notice we only get two dollars a day but the trolls get three,' said Victor. 'Why's that?'

'Because there aren't so many trolls wanting to make moving pictures,' said Ginger. 'And a good handleman can get six or seven dollars a day. Performers aren't important.' She turned and glared at him.

'I was doing OK,' she said. 'Nothing special, but OK. I was getting quite a lot of work. People thought I was reliable. I was building a career-'

'You can't build a career on Holy Wood,' said Victor. 'That's like building a house on a swamp. Nothing's real.'

'I liked it! And now you've spoilt it all! And I'll probably have to go back to a horrible little village you've probably never even heard of! Back to bloody milkmaiding! Thanks very much! Every time I see a cow's arse, I'll think of you!'

She stormed off in the direction of the town leaving Victor with the trolls. After a while Rock cleared his throat.