Moving Pictures (Discworld 10)

The Dean growled and raised his right hand, fingers spread-

The Chair grabbed his arm.

'Oh, yes,' he hissed., 'That'd do a lot of good, wouldn't it? Come on.'

'Where to?'

'To the back of the queue!'

'But we're wizards! Wizards never stand in line for anything!'

'We're honest merchants, remember?' said the Chair. He glanced at the nearest click-goers, who were giving them odd looks. 'We're honest merchants,' he repeated loudly.

He nudged the Dean. 'Go on,' he hissed.

'Go on what?'

'Go on and say something merchanty.'

'What sort of thing is that?' said the Dean, mystified.

'Say something! Everyone's looking at us!'

'Oh.' The Dean's face creased in panic, and then salvation dawned. 'Lovely apples,' he said. 'Get them while they're hot. They're luvverly . . . Will this do?'

'I suppose so. Now let's go to the end-'

There was a commotion at the other end of the street. People surged forward. The queue broke ranks and charged. The honest merchants were suddenly surrounded by a desperately-pushing crowd.

'I say, there is a queue, you know,' said the Honest Merchant in Recent Runes diffidently, as he was shoved aside.

The Dean grabbed the shoulder of a boy who was ferociously elbowing him aside.

'What is going on, young man?' he demanded.

'They're a-coming!' shouted the boy.

'Who are?'

'The stars!'

The wizards, as one man, looked upwards.

'No, they're not,' said the Dean, but the boy had shaken himself free and disappeared in the press of people.

'Strange primitive superstition,' said the Dean, and the wizards, with the exception of Poons, who was complaining and flailing around with his stick, craned forward to see.

The Bursar met the Archchancellor in a corridor.

'There's no-one in the Uncommon Room!' screamed the Bursar.

'The Library's empty!' bellowed the Archchancellor.

'I've heard about that sort of thing,' the Bursar whimpered. 'Spontaneous something-or-other. They've all gone spontaneous!'

'Calm down, man. Just because-'

'I can't even find any of the servants! You know what happens when reality gives way! Even now giant tentacles are probably-'