They craned to see.
'Looks like a ring.'
'Yes. It's, it's, it's superficially d-iscoloured, of course, otherwise someone would have spot-ted it. Probably secreted somewhere on a cart. I've had it p-artly cleaned. You can just read the inscription. Now, here is an ill-ustrated inventory of the royal jewellery of Ankh done in AM 907, in the reign of King Tyrril. May I, please, may I draw your a-ttention to the small wedding ring in the b-ottom left-hand corner of the page? You will see that the artist has hel-pfully drawn the inscription.'
It took several minutes for everyone to examine it. They were naturally suspicious people. They were all descendants of people for whom suspicion and paranoia had been prime survival traits.
Because they were all aristocrats. Not one among them did not know the name of his or her great-great-greatgrandfather and what embarrassing disease he'd died of.
They had just eaten a not-very-good meal which had, however, included some ancient and worthwhile wines. They'd attended because they'd all known Edward's father, and the d'Eaths were a fine old family, if now in very reduced circumstances.
'So you see,' said Edward proudly, 'the evidence is overwhelming. We have a king!'
His audience tried to avoid looking at one another's faces.
'I thought you'd be pl-eased,' said Edward.
Finally, Lord Rust voiced the unspoken consensus. There was no room in those true-blue eyes for pity, which was not a survival trait, but sometimes it was possible to risk a little kindness.
'Edward,' he said, 'the last king of Ankh-Morpork died centuries ago.'
'Executed by t-raitors!'
'Even if a descendant could still be found, the royal blood would be somewhat watered down by now, don't you think?'
'The royal b-lood cannot be wa-tered down!'
Ah, thought Lord Rust. So he's that kind. Young Edward thinks the touch of a king can cure scrofula, as if royalty was the equivalent of a sulphur ointment. Young Edward thinks that there is no lake of blood too big to wade through to put a rightful king on a throne, no deed too base in defence of a crown. A romantic, in fact.
Lord Rust was not a romantic. The Rusts had adapted well to Ankh-Morpork's post-monarchy centuries by buying and selling and renting and making contacts and doing what aristocrats have always done, which is trim sails and survive.
'Well, maybe,' he conceded, in the gentle tones of someone trying to talk someone else off a ledge, 'but we must ask ourselves: does Ankh-Morpork, at this point in time, require a king?'
Edward looked at him as though he were mad.
'Need? Need? While our fair city languishes under the heel of the ty-rant?'
'Oh. You mean Vetinari.'
'Can't you see what he's done to this city?'
'He is a very unpleasant, jumped-up little man,' said Lady Selachii, 'but I would not say he actually terrorizes much. Not as such.'
'You have to hand it to him,' said Viscount Skater, 'the city operates. More or less. Fellas and whatnot do things.'
'The streets are safer than they used to be under Mad Lord Snapcase,' said Lady Selachii.
'Sa-fer? Vetinari set up the Thieves' Guild!' shouted Edward.
'Yes, yes, of course, very reprehensible, certainly. On the other hand, a modest annual payment and one walks in safety . . .'
'He always says,' said Lord Rust, 'that if you're going to have crime, it might as well be organized crime.'
'Seems to me,' said Viscount Skater, 'that all the Guild chappies put up with him because anyone else would be worse, yes? We've certainly had some . . . difficult ones. Anyone remember Homicidal Lord Winder?'
'Deranged Lord Harmoni,' said Lord Monflathers.
'Laughing Lord Scapula,' said Lady Selachii. 'A man with a very pointed sense of humour.'