Men at Arms (Discworld 15)

'When you've been here a while, you'll understand how it all works,' said Carrot. Here'n'now's head banged on the kerb. 'Eventually,' Carrot added. 'But it all does work. You'd be amazed. It all works. I wish it didn't. But it does.'

While Here'n'now was being mildly concussed on the way to the safety of the Watch's jail, a down was being killed.

He was ambling along an alley with the assurance of one who is fully paid up this year with the Thieves' Guild when a hooded figure stepped out in front of him.

'Beano?'

'Oh, hello . . . it's Edward, right?'

The figure hesitated.

'I was just going back to the Guild,' said Beano.

The hooded figure nodded.

'Are you OK?' said Beano.

'I'm sorry about th-is,' it said. 'But it is for the good of the city. It is nothing p-ersonal.'

He stepped behind the clown. Beano felt a crunch, and then his own personal internal universe switched off.

Then he sat up.

'Ow,' he said, 'that hur—'

But it didn't.

Edward d'Eath was looking down at him with a horrified expression.

'Oh . . . I didn't mean to hit you that hard! I only wanted you out of the way!'

'Why'd you have to hit me at all?'

And then the feeling stole over Beano that Edward wasn't exactly looking at him, and certainly wasn't talking to him.

He glanced at the ground, and experienced that peculiar sensation known only to the recently dead -horror at what you see lying in front of you, followed by the nagging question: so who's doing the looking?

KNOCK KNOCK.

He looked up. 'Who's there?'

DEATH.

'Death who?'

There was a chill in the air. Beano waited. Edward was frantically patting his face . . . well, what until recently had been his face.

I WONDER . . . CAN WE START AGAIN? I DON'T SEEM TO HAVE THE HANG OF THIS.

'Sorry?' said Beano.

'I'm s-orry!' moaned Edward, 'I meant it for the best!'

Beano watched his murderer drag his . . . the . . . body away.

'Nothing personal, he says,' he said. 'I'm glad it wasn't anything personal. I should hate to think I've just been killed because it was personal.'

IT'S JUST THAT IT HAS BEEN SUGGESTED THAT I SHOULD BE MORE OF A PEOPLE PERSON.