Men at Arms (Discworld 15)

'Thank you. May I make you some tea? I'm afraid I don't see many people these days, apart from the man who oils the hinges.'

'I've come to . . .'

The Patrician stopped and prodded at one of the drawings.

'There's a piece of yellow paper stuck to this one,' he said, suspiciously. He pulled at it. It came away from the drawing with a faint sucking noise, and then stuck to his fingers. On the note, in Leonard's crabby backward script, were the words: 'krow ot smees sihT: omeM'.

'Oh, I'm rather pleased with that,' said Leonard. 'I call it my “Handy-note-scribbling-piece-of-paper-with-glue-that-comes-unstuck-when-you-want”.'

The Patrician played with it for a while.

'What's the glue made of?'

'Boiled slugs.'

The Patrician pulled the paper off one hand. It stuck to the other hand.

'Is that what you came to see me about?' said Leonard.

'No. I came to talk to you,' said Lord Vetinari, 'about the gonne.'

'Oh, dear. I'm very sorry.'

'I am afraid it has . . . escaped.'

'My goodness. I thought you said you'd done away with it.'

'I gave it to the Assassins to destroy. After all, they pride themselves on the artistic quality of their work. They should be horrified at the idea of anyone having that sort of power. But the damn fools did not destroy it. They thought they could lock it away. And now they've lost it.'

'They didn't destroy it?'

'Apparently not, the fools.'

And nor did you. I wonder why?'

'1 . . . do you know, I don't know?'

'I should never have made it. It was merely an application of principles. Ballistics, you know. Simple aerodynamics. Chemical power. Some rather good alloying, although I say it myself. And I'm rather proud of the rifling idea. I had to make a quite complicated tool for that, you know. Milk? Sugar?'

'No, thank you.'

'People are searching for it, I trust?'

'The Assassins are. But they won't find it. They don't think the right way.' The Patrician picked up a pile of sketches of the human skeleton. They were extremely good.

'Oh, dear.'

'So I am relying on the Watch.'

'This would be the Captain Vimes you have spoken of.'

Lord Vetinari always enjoyed his occasional conversations with Leonard. The man always referred to the city as if it was another world.

'Yes.'

'I hope you have impressed upon him the importance of the task.'

'In a way. I've absolutely forbidden him to undertake it. Twice.'