'I prefer clothes.'
Gaspode sniffed at the dirt.
'Come on, then,' he sighed. 'We'd better catch up Foul Ole Ron before your chainmail becomes a bottle of Bearhugger's, yes?'
Angua looked around. The scent of Foul Ole Ron was practically tangible.
'All right. But let's be quick about it.'
Wolfbane? You didn't need daft old herbs to make your life a problem, if you spent one week every month with two extra legs and four extra nipples.
There were crowds around the Patrician's Palace, and outside the Assassins' Guild. A lot of beggars were in evidence. They looked ugly. Looking ugly is a beggar's stock in trade in any case. These looked uglier than necessary.
The militia peered around a corner.
'There's hundreds of people,' said Colon. And loads of trolls outside the Day Watch.'
'Where's the crowd thickest?' said Carrot.
Anywhere the trolls are,' said Colon. He remembered himself. 'Only joking,' he added.
'Very well,' said Carrot. 'Everyone follow me.'
The babble stopped as the militia marched, lumbered, trotted and knuckled towards the Day Watch House.
A couple of very large trolls blocked the way. The crowd watched in expectant silence.
Any minute now, Colon thought, someone's going to throw something. And then we're all going to die.
He glanced up. Slowly and jerkily, gargoyle heads were appearing along the gutters. No-one wanted to miss a good fight.
Carrot nodded at the two trolls.
They'd got lichen all over them, Colon noticed.
'It's Bluejohn and Bauxite, isn't it?' said Carrot.
Bluejohn, despite himself, nodded. Bauxite was tougher, and merely glared.
'You're just the sort I was looking for,' Carrot went on.
Colon gripped his helmet like a size #10 limpet trying to crawl up into a size #1 shell. Bauxite was an avalanche with feet.
'You're conscripted,' said Carrot.
Colon peeked out from under the brim.
'Report to Corporal Nobbs for your weapons. Lance-Constable Detritus will administer the oath.' He stood back. 'Welcome to the Citizens' Watch. Remember, every lance-constable has a fieldmarshal's baton in his knapsack.'
The trolls hadn't moved.
Ain't gonna be inna Watch,' said Bauxite.
'Officer material if ever I saw it,' said Carrot.
'Hey, you can't put them in the Watch!' shouted a dwarf from the crowd.
'Why, hello, Mr Stronginthearm,' said Carrot. 'Good to see community leaders here. Why can't they be in the militia?'