Men at Arms (Discworld 15)

'Have you got any previous convictions?'

'Well, I dunno . . . I suppose I used to believe very firmly that a penny saved is a penny earned—'

'Good. And I'll take . . . you two . . . and you. Four more dwarfs, yes? Can't complain about that, eh?'

'Ain't gonna be inna Watch,' said Bauxite again, but uncertainty modulated his tone.

'You trolls can't leave now,' said Detritus. 'Otherwise, too many dwarfs. That's numbers, that is.'

'I'm not joining any Watch!' said a dwarf.

'Not man enough, eh?' said Cuddy.

'What? I'm as good as any bloody troll any day!'

'Right, that's sorted out then,' said Carrot, rubbing his hands together. 'Acting-Constable Cuddy?'

'Sir?'

'Hey,' said Detritus, 'how come he suddenly full constable?'

'Since he was in charge of the dwarf recruits,' said Carrot. 'And you're in charge of the troll recruits, Acting-Constable Detritus.'

'I full acting-constable in charge of the troll recruits?'

'Of course. Now, if you would step out of the way, Lance-Constable Bauxite—'

Behind Carrot, Detritus drew a big proud breath.

'Ain't gonna—'

'Lance-Constable Bauxite! You horrible big troll! You standing up straight! You saluting right now! You stepping out of the way of Corporal Carrot! You two troll, you come here! Wurn . . . two-er . . . tree . . . four-er! You in the Watch now! Aaargh, I cannot believe it what my eye it seeing! Where you from, Bauxite?'

'Slice Mountain, but—'

'Slice Mountain! Slice Mountain? Only . . .' Detritus looked at his fingers for a moment, and rammed them behind his back. 'Only two-er things come from Slice Mountain! Rocks . . . an' . . . an' . . .' he struck out wildly, 'other sortsa rocks! What kind you, Bauxite?'

'What the hell's going on here?'

The Watch House door had opened. Captain Quirke emerged, sword in hand.

'You two horrible troll! You raise your hand right now, you repeat troll oath—'

'Ah, captain,' said Carrot. 'Can we have a word?'

'You're in real trouble, Corporal Garret,' snarled Quirke. 'Who do you think you are?'

'I will do what I told—'

'Don't wanna be inna—'

Wham!

'I will do what I told—'

'Just the man on the spot, captain,' said Carrot cheerfully.

'Well, man on the spot, I'm the senior officer here, and you can damn well—'