Men at Arms (Discworld 15)

'I'm no-one's mas—' Vimes began.

'Now, Sam,' said Lady Ramkin.

'Well, I'm not,' said Vimes sullenly.

Carrot marched in, and stood to attention. As usual, the room subtly became a mere background to him.

'It's all right, lad,' said Vimes, as nicely as he could manage. 'You don't need to salute.'

'Yes I do, sir,' said Carrot. He handed Vimes an envelope. It had the seal of the Patrician on it.

Vimes picked up a knife and broke the seal.

'Probably charging me five dollars for unnecessary wear and tear on my chainmail,' he said.

His lips moved as he read.

'Blimey,' he said eventually. 'Fifty-six?'

'Yes, sir. Detritus is looking forward to breaking them in.'

'Including undead? It says here open to all, regardless of species or mortal status—'

'Yes, sir,' said Carrot, firmly. 'They're all citizens.'

'You mean you could have vampires in the Watch?'

'Very good on night duty, sir. And aerial surveillance.'

'And always useful if you want to stake out somewhere.'

'Yes, sir?'

Vimes watched the feeble pun go right through Carrot 's head without triggering his brain. He turned back to the paper.

'Hmm. Pensions for widows, I see.'

'Yessir.'

'Re-opening the old Watch Houses?'

'That's what he says, sir.'

Vimes read on:

We consider particularly that, this enlarged Watch will need an expereinced man in charge who, is held in Esteem by all parts of soceity and, we are convinced that you should fulfil this Roll. You will therefore take up your Duties immediately as, Commander of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch. This post traditionally carreis with it the rank of Knight which, we are minded to resurrect on this one occasion.

Hoping this finds you in good health, Yrs. faithfully

Havelock Vetinari (Patrician)

Vimes read it again.

He drummed his fingers on the table. There was no doubt that the signature was genuine. But . . .

sorry? What new arrangements?'

Carrot unfolded a second, and rather larger, piece of paper.