“No. Not a lot,” said the barman. “Not known for its wisdom. Second most confused bird in the world. Can only fly underwater, they say.”
"Then why-
“We don't like to talk about it,” said the barman. “It upsets people. Bloody sculptor,” he added, under his breath.
Down the other end of the bar the philosophers had started fighting again.
The barman leaned forward. “If you haven't got any money,” he said, “I don't think you're going to get much help. Talk isn't cheap around here.”
"But they just- Brutha began.
“There's the expenditure on soap and water, for a start. Towels. Flannels. Loofahs. Pumice stones. Bath salts. It all adds up.”
There was a gurgling noise from the saucer. Om's milky head turned to Brutha.
“You've got no money at all?” he said.
“No,” said Brutha.
“Well, we've got to have a philosopher,” said the tortoise flatly. “I can't think and you don't know how to. We've got to find someone who does it all the time.”
“Of course, you could try old Didactylos,” said the barman. “He's about as cheap as they come.”
“Doesn't use expensive soap?” said Brutha.
“I think it could be said without fear of contradiction,” said the barman solemnly, “that he doesn't use any soap at all whatsoever in any way.”
“Oh. Well. Thank you,” said Brutha.
“Ask him where this man lives,” Om commanded.
“Where can I find Mr. Didactylos?” said Brutha.
“In the palace courtyard. Next door to the Library. You can't miss him. Just follow your nose.”
“We just came- Brutha said, but his inner voice prompted him not to complete the sentence. ”We'll just be going then."
“Don't forget your tortoise,” said the barman. “There's good eating on one of them.”
“May all your wine turn to water!” Om shrieked.
“Will it?” said Brutha, as they stepped out into the night.
No.
“Tell me again. Why exactly are we looking for a philosopher?” said Brutha.
“I want to get my power back,” said Om.
“But everyone believes in you!”
“If they believed in me they could talk to me. I could talk to them. I don't know what's gone wrong. No one is worshiping any other gods in Omnia, are they?”
“They wouldn't be allowed to,” said Brutha. “The Quisition would see to that.”
“Yeah. It's hard to kneel if you have no knees.”
Brutha stopped in the empty street.