Witches Abroad (Discworld 12)

She gave him a triumphant look.

'Yes?' said the woodcutter, chipping away quickly, 'And then what happened?'

Nanny Ogg dragged Granny away quickly, searching for a distraction.

'Some people don't know a joke when they hear it,' said Granny.

As the band launched into another number Nanny Ogg rumbled in a pocket and found the dance card that belonged to an owner now slumbering peacefully in a distant room.

"This is,' she turned the card round, her lips moving wonderingly, 'Sir, Roger the Coverley?'

'Ma'am?'

Granny Weatherwax looked around. A plump military man with big whiskers was bowing to her. He looked as though he'd enjoyed quite a few jokes in his time.

'Yes?'

'You promised me the honour of this dance, m'lady?'

'No I didn't.'

The man looked puzzled. 'But I assure you, Lady D'Arrangement . . . your card . . . my name is Colonel Moutarde ..."

Granny gave him a look of deep suspicion, and then read the dance card attached to her fan.

'Oh.'

'Do you know how to dance?' hissed Nanny.

'Of course.'

'Never seen you dance,' said Nanny.

Granny Weatherwax had been on the point of giving the colonel as polite a refusal as she could manage. Now she threw back her shoulders defiantly.

'A witch can do anything she puts her mind to, Gytha Ogg. Come, Mr Colonel.'

Nanny watched as the pair disappeared into the throng.

' 'Allo, foxy lady,' said a voice behind her. She looked around. There was no-one there.

'Down here.'

She looked down.

A very small body wearing the uniform of a captain in the palace guard, a powdered wig and an ingratiating smile beamed up at her.

'My name's Casanunda,' he said. 'I'm reputed to be the world's greatest lover. What do you think?'

Nanny Ogg looked him up and down or, at least, down and further down.

'You're a dwarf,' she said.

'Size isn't important.'

Nanny Ogg considered her position. One colleague known for her shy and retiring nature was currently acting like that whatshername, the heathen queen who was always playing up to men and bathing in asses' milk and stuff, and the other one was acting very odd and dancing with a man even though she didn't know one foot from the other. Nanny Ogg felt she was at least owed a bit of time in which to be her own woman.

'Can you dance as well?' she said wearily.