'Yes! And you were. I could see you! You know he was talking about tails, not... anything else.'
'Oh, I thought about that long ago,' said Igor. 'It'th obviouth. Thaveth wear and tear, pluth you can uthe one while you're replathing the other. I ecthperimented on mythelf.'
Their footsteps echoed on the stairs.
'Now, what are we talking about here, exactly?' said Nanny, in a quiet, I'm-only-asking-out-of-interest tone of voice.
'Heartth,' said Igor.
'Oh, two hearts. You've got two hearts?'
'Yeth. The other one belonged to poor Mr Thwinetth down at the thawmill, but hith wife thed it wath no uthe to him after the acthident, what with him not having a head to go with it.'
'You're a bit of a self-made man on the quiet, aren't you?' said Magrat.
'Who did your brain?' said Nanny.
'Can't do brainth yourthelf,' said Igor.
'Only... you've got all those stitches...'
'Oh, I put a metal plate in my head,' said Igor. 'And a wire down my neck all the way to my bootth. I got fed up with all thothe lightning thtriketh. Here we are.' He unlocked another groaning door. 'My little plathe.'
It was a dank vaulted room, clearly lived in by someone who didn't spend a lot of social time there. There was a fireplace with a dog basket in front of it, and a bed with a mattress and one blanket. Crude cupboards lined one wall.
'There'th a well under that cover there,' he said, 'and there'th a privy through there...'
'What's through that door?' said Nanny, pointing to one with heavy bolts across it.
'Nothing,' said Igor.
Nanny shot him a glance. But the bolts were very firmly on this side.
'This looks like a crypt,' she said. 'With a fireplace.'
'When the old Count wath alive he liked to get warm of an evening before going out,' said Igor. 'Golden dayth, them wath. I wouldn't give you tuppenth for thith lot. D'you know, they wanted me to get rid of Thcrapth?',
Scraps leapt up and tried to lick Nanny's face.
'I thaw Lacrimotha kick him onthe,' said Igor darkly. He rubbed his hands together. 'Can I get you ladieth anything to eat?'
'No,' said Nanny and Magrat together.
Scraps tried to lick Igor. He was a dog with a lot of lick to share.
'Thcrapth, play dead,' said Igor. The dog dropped and rolled over with his legs in the air.
'Thee?' said Igor. 'He rememberth!'
'Won't we be cornered down here if the Magpyrs come?' said Magrat.
'They don't come down here. It'th not modern enough for them,' said Igor. 'And there'th wayth out if they do.'
Magrat glanced at the bolted door. It didn't look the kind of way out anyone would want to take.
'What about weapons?' she said. 'I shouldn't think there'd be any anti-vampire stuff in a vampire's castle, would there?'
'Why, thertainly,' said Igor.