Jingo (Discworld 21) - Page 91

'Yes?'

'Why're we playing with this wheel? It's not as if the rudder's in the water!' They let go. The spokes blurred for a moment, and then stopped as the fire wrapped itself around them. Then it rained cake. The Watch had tried to make themselves comfortable in the hold, but there were difficulties. There wasn't any area of floor which at some point in every ten seconds wasn't an area of wall. Nevertheless, someone was snoring. 'How can anyone sleep in this?' said Reg Shoe. 'Captain Carrot can,' said Cheery. She was hacking at something with her axe.

Carrot had wedged himself into a corner. Occasionally he mumbled something, and shifted position. 'Like a baby. Beats me how he's managing it,' said Reg Shoe. 'Of course, any minute this thing is going to fall apart.'

'Yes, but dat shouldn't worry you, should it?' said Detritus. 'On account of you bein' dead already?'

'So? I end up at the bottom of the sea knee–deep in whale droppings? And it'll be a long walk home in the dark. Not to mention the problems if a shark tries to eat me.'

'I shall fear not. According to the Testament of Mezerek, the fishermen Nonpo spent four days in the belly of a giant fish,' said Constable Visit. The thunder seemed particularly loud in the silence. 'Washpot, are we talking miracles here?' said Reg eventually. 'Or just a very slow digestive process?'

'You would be better employed considering the state of your immortal soul than making jokes,' said Constable Visit severely. 'It's the state of my immortal body that's worrying me,' said Reg. 'I have a leaflet here which will bring you considerable–' Visit began. 'Washpot, is it big enough to be folded into a boat that'll save us all?' Constable Visit pounced on the opening. 'Aha, yes, metaphorically it is–'

'Hasn't this ship got a lifeboat?' said Cheery hurriedly. 'I'm sure I saw one when we came on.'

'Yeah... lifeboat,' said Detritus. 'Anyone want a sardine?' said Cheery. 'I've managed to get a tin open.'

'Lifeboat,' Detritus repeated. He sounded like someone exploring an unpleasant truth. 'Like... a big, heavy thing which would've slowed us down... ?'

'Yes, I saw it, I know I did,' said Reg. 'Yeah... dere was one,' said Detritus. 'Dat was a lifeboat, was it?'

'At the very least we ought to get somewhere sheltered and drop the anchor.'

'Yeah... anchor…' mused Detritus. 'Dat's a big thing kinda hooks on, right?'

'Of course.'

'Kinda heavy thing?'

'Obviously!'

'Right. An'... er... if it was dropped a long time ago, on accounta bein' heavy, dat wouldn't do us much good now?'

'Hardly.' Reg Shoe glared through the hatchway. The sky was a dirty yellow blanket, criss–crossed with fire. Thunder boomed continuously. 'I wonder how far the barometer's sunk?' he said. 'All der way,' said Detritus gloomily. 'Trust me on dis.'

It was in the nature of a D'reg to open doors carefully. There was generally an enemy on the other side. Sooner or later. He saw the collar lying on the floor, right by a little fountain of water trickling from the hull, and swore under his breath. Ahmed waited just a moment, and then pushed the door back quietly. It rattled against the wall. 'I don't intend to harm you,' he said to the gloom of the bilges. 'If that was my intention, by now you'd–' She wished she'd used the wolf. There would have been no problem with the wolf. That was the problem. She'd easily win, but then she'd be nervy and frightened. A human could stay on top of that. A wolf might not. She'd do the wrong things, panicky things, animal things. She pushed him hard as she dropped down from above the door, somersaulted backwards, slammed the door and turned the key. The sword came through the planking like a hot knife through runny lard. There was a gasp beside her. She spun round and saw two men holding a net. They would have thrown it over the wolf. What they hadn't been expecting was a naked woman. The sudden appearance of a naked woman always caused a rethink of anyone's immediate plans. She kicked them both hard and ran in the opposite direction, opened the first door at random and slammed it behind her. It was the cabin with the dogs in it. They sprang to their feet, opened their mouths – and slunk down again. A werewolf can have considerable power over other animals. whatever shape she's in, although it is largely the power to make them cringe and try to look inedible. She hurried past them and pulled at one of the hangings over the bunk. The man in the bunk opened his eyes. He was a Klatchian, but pale with weakness and pain. There were dark rings under his eyes. 'Ah,' he said, 'it would appear that I have died and gone to Paradise. Are you a houri?'

'I don't have to take that kind of language, thank you,' said Angua, ripping the silk in two with a practised hand. She was aware that she had a slight advantage over male werewolves in that naked women caused fewer complaints, although the downside was that they got some pressing invitations. Some kind of covering was essential, for modesty and the prevention of inconvenient bouncing, which was why fashioning impromptu clothes out of anything to hand was a lesser–known werewolf skill. Angua stopped. Of course, to the unpractised eye all Klatchians looked alike, but then to a werewolf all humans looked alike: they looked appetizing. She'd learned to discern. 'Are you Prince Khufarah?'

'I am. And you are... ?'

The door was kicked open. Angua leapt towards the window and flung aside the bar restraining the shutters. Water funnelled into the cabin, drenching her, but she managed to scramble up and out. 'Just passing through?' the Prince murmured. 71–hour Ahmed strode to the window and looked out. Green–blue waves edged with fire fought outside as the ship heaved. No–one could stay afloat in a sea like that. He turned and looked along the hull to where Angua was clinging to a trailing line. She saw him wink at her. Then he turned away and she heard him say, 'She must have drowned. Back to your posts!' Presently, up on the deck, a hatch closed. The sun rose in a cloudless sky. A watcher, if such had been out here, would have noticed a slight difference in the way the swells were moving on this tiny patch of sea. They might even have wondered about the piece of bent piping which turned with a faint squeaking noise. Had they been able to place an ear to it, they would have heard the following: '–idea while I was dozing off. Piece of pipe, two angled mirrors – the solution to all our steering and air problems!'

'Fascinating. A Seeing-Things-Pipe-You-Can-Breathe-Down.'

'My goodness, how did you know it was called that, my lord?'

'A lucky guess.'

' 'ere, someone's re–designed my pedalling seat, it's comfortable–'

'Ah, yes, corporal, I took some measurements while you were asleep and rebuilt it for a better anatomical configu––'

'You took measurements?'

'Oh, yes, I–'

'What, of my... saddlery regions?'

Tags: Terry Pratchett Discworld Fantasy
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