The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24) - Page 100

"I"d just feel happier if he knew," said Reg. "cos it worries me."

"What good will it do sending it to him, then?"

"Because then it"ll worry him, and I can stop worrying," said Reg.

"Corporal Nobbs!"

"He listens at the door, I"ll swear he does," said Stronginthearm. "I"m off."

"Coming, captain!" shouted Nobby. He pulled open the bottom drawer of his battered and stained desk and took out a packet of chocolate biscuits, some of which he arranged daintily on a plate.

"Does me no good at all to see you acting like this," Stronginthearm went on, winking at the other dwarfs. "You"ve got it in you to be a really bad copper, Nobby. Breaks my heart to see you throwin" it all away to become a really bad waitress."

"Ha ha ha," said Nobby. "Just you wait, that"s all I"m saying." He raised his voice. "Coming right now, captain!"

There was a sharp smell of burned paper in the captain"s room when Nobby entered.

"Nothing cheers up the day like a good fire, I always say," he said, putting the tray on the desk.

But Captain Colon wasn"t paying any attention. He"d removed the sugar bowl from the locked drawer of his desk and had laid the cubes out in rows.

"Do you see anything wrong with these lumps, corporal?" he said quietly.

"Well, they"re a bit manky where you"ve been handling them every - "

"There"s thirty-seven, corporal."

"Sorry about that, captain."

"Visit must"ve pinched them when he was in here. He must"ve used some fancy foreign trick. They can do that, you know. Climb ropes and disappear up the top of "em, that sort of thing."

"Did he have a rope?" said Nobby.

"Are you making fun of me, corporal?"

Nobby saluted. "Nossir! Maybe it was a invisible one, sir. After all, if they can disappear up a rope, they can make the rope disappear, too. Obviously."

"Good thinking, corporal."

"On the subject of thinking, sir," said Nobby, plunging in, "have you had time in your busy schedule to give some thought to the promotion of the new sergeant?"

"I have, as a matter of fact, put that very thing in hand, corporal."

"Good, sir."

"I"ve borne in mind everything you said, and the choice was starin" me in the face."

"Yessir!" said Nobby, sticking out his chest and saluting.

"I just hope it don"t cause loss of morals. It can do that, when people are promoted. So if there"s any trouble like that, I want the sugar-stealing person reported to me right away, understand?"

"Yessir!" Nobby"s feet had almost left the ground.

"And I shall rely on you, corporal, to let me know if Sergeant Flint has any trouble."

"Sergeant Flint," said Nobby, in a little voice.

"I know he"s a troll, but I won"t have it said I"m an unfair man."

Tags: Terry Pratchett Discworld Fantasy
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