The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

He stepped out and walked up to them. "Well?"

The fatter of the two hesitated, and then held out his hand. "Pisspot," he said.

"Inigo?" said Vimes quietly, without turning his head.

"Ah," said Inigo, after some muttered exchanges. "Now the problem seems to be Sergeant Detritus. No trolls are allowed in this part of town during the hours of daylight, apparently, without a passport signed by their... owner. Uh... in Bonk the only trolls allowed are prisoners of war. They have to carry identification."

"Detritus is a citizen of Ankh-Morpork and my sergeant," said Vimes.

"However, he is a troll. Perhaps in the interests of diplomacy you could write a short - "

"Do I need a pisspot?"

"A passport... No, your grace."

"Then he doesn"t either."

"Nevertheless, your grace - "

"There is no nevertheless."

"But it may be advisable to - "

"There"s no advisable either."

A few other guards had drifted over. Vimes was aware of watching eyes.

"He could be ejected by force," said Inigo.

"Now there"s an experiment I wouldn"t want to miss," said Vimes.

Detritus made a rumbling noise. "I don"t mind goin" back if - "

"Shut up, sergeant. You"re a free troll. That"s an order."

Vimes permitted himself another brief scan of the growing, silent crowd. And he saw the fear in the eyes of the men with the halberds. They did not want to be doing this, any more than the captain had.

"I"ll tell you what, Inigo," he said. "Tell the guards that the Ambassador from Ankh-Morpork commends them for their diligence, congratulates them on their dress sense and will see that their instruction is obeyed forthwith. That should do it, shouldn"t it?"

"Certainly, your grace."

"And now turn the coach around, Detritus. Coming, Inigo?"

Inigo"s expression changed rapidly.

"We passed an inn about ten miles back," Vimes went on. "Ought to make it by dark, do you think?"

"But you can"t go, your grace!"

Vimes turned, very slowly. "Would you repeat that, Mister Skimmer?"

"I mean - "

"We are leaving, Mister Skimmer. What you do, of course, is up to you."

He sat down inside the coach. Opposite him Sybil made a fist and said, "Well done!"

"Sorry, dear," said Vimes, as the coach turned. "It didn"t look a very good inn."