The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

"Dis is der old country, after all," he said. "So if it"d make you feel better..."

He pulled out a smaller box and rummaged among what appeared to be bits of rock and cloth until he found something yellowy-brown and round, like a shallow cup.

"Should"ve bunged it away," he said, "but it"s all I got to remember my old granny by. She kept fings in it."

"It"s a bit of human skull, isn"t it?" said Vimes at last.

"Yep."

"Whose?"

"Anyone ask dat troll dere his name?" said Detritus, and the glint in his voice had a brittle edge to it for a moment. Then he carefully put the bowl away. "T"ings were diff"rent in dem days. Now you don"t chop our heads off an" we don"t make drums outa your skin. Everyt"ing is hunky-dory. Dat"s all we have to know."

He picked up the boxes again and followed Lady Sybil towards the staircase. Vimes took another look at the trophy head. The teeth were longer, far longer than they"d be on a real troll. A hunter"d have to be very brave and very lucky to go up against a fighting troll and survive. It"d be so much easier to go after an old one and later replace the ground-down stumps with sparkly fangs.

My gods, the things we do...

"Igor?" he said, as the odd-job man lurched past under the weight of two more bags.

"Yeth, your exthellenthy?"

"I"m an excellency?" said Vimes to Inigo.

"Yes, Your Grace."

"And still My Grace as well?"

"Yes, your grace. You are His Grace His Excellency the Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes, Your Grace."

"Hang on, hang on. His Grace cancels out the Sir, I know that. It"s like having an ace in poker."

"Strictly speaking this is true, your grace, but great store is set by titles here and it is best to play with a full deck, mmph."

"I was once blackboard monitor at school," said Vimes sharply. "For a whole term. Would that help? Dame Venting said no one could clean a blackboard like me."

"A useful fact, your grace, which may possibly be helpful in the event of a tie-break, mmph, mmhm," said Inigo, his face carefully blank.

"We Igorth have alwayth preferred marthter," said Igor. "What wath it you were requiring?"

Vimes gestured towards the heads that covered every wall.

"I want them taken down as soon as possible. I can do this, can"t I, Mister Skimmer?"

"You are the ambassador, sir. Mmph, mmhm."

"Well, they"re coming down. All of them."

Igor gave the camphor-smelling multitude a worried look. "Even the thordfith?"

"Even the swordfish," said Vimes firmly.

"And the thnow leopardth?"

"Both of them, yes."

"What about the troll?"

"Especially the troll. See to it."