up some side dishes of stale bread and sawdust."
"Thank you for that patriotic comment," said Vimes. "However, these are... Okay, I suppose. They just came as a bit of a shock, that"s all. No!"
He put his hand over his mug to prevent Igor from filling it with beer.
"Ith there thomething wrong, marthter?"
"Just water, please," said Vimes. "No beer."
"The marthter doth not drink... beer?"
"No. And perhaps in a mug without a face on it?" He took another look at the stein. "Why"s it got a lid, by the way? Are you afraid of the rain getting in?"
"I"ve never been quite certain of that one," said Inigo, as Igor shuffled off. "From observation, though, I believe the purpose of the stein is to stop the beer being spilled while using the mug to conduct the singing, mmm, mhm."
"Ah, the old quaffing problem," said Vimes. "What a clever idea."
Sybil patted him on the knee. "You"re not in Ankh-Morpork any more, dear," she said.
"Now we"re alone; Your Grace," said Inigo, leaning closer, "I"m very worried about Mister Sleeps. The acting consul, you remember? He seems to have vanished, mmm, mhm. Some of his personal items have gone, too."
"Holiday?"
"Not at a time like this, sir! And - "
There was a thud of wood against wood as Igor re-entered, pointedly carrying a stepladder. Inigo sat back.
Vimes found that he was yawning. "We"d better talk about that in the morning," he said, as the ladder was dragged towards the horrible hunting trophies. "It"s been a long day, what with one thing and another."
"Of course, your grace."
The bed"s mattress was so soft that Vimes sank into it nervously, afraid it might close over the top of his head. That was just as well, because the pillow was... well, everyone knew a pillow was a sack full of feathers, didn"t they? Not an apprentice eiderdown like this thing.
"Just fold it up, Sam," said Sybil, from the depths of the mattress. "G"night."
"G"night."
"Sam... ?"
There was a snore from Sam Vimes. Sybil sighed and turned over.
Vimes awoke a few times, to the sound of thuds from downstairs.
"Snow leopards," he muttered, and drifted away again.
There was a louder crash.
"Moose," murmured Lady Sybil.
"Elk?" mumbled Vimes.
"Def"nitely moose."
Some time later there was a muffled scream, a thud, and a sound very much like the sound made when a huge wooden ruler is held against a desk and twanged.
"Swordfish," said Sam and Sybil together, and went back to sleep.
"You should present your credentials to the rulers of Bonk," said Inigo in the morning.