The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

"...hey don"t quite see why knockermen are still so powerful?"

"It"s all very sad," said Cheery. "Did I tell you my brother Snorey went off to be a knockerman?"

"I don"t think so."

"He died in an explosion somewhere under Borogravia. But he was doing what he wanted to do." After a moment she added, conscientiously, "Well, up to the moment when the blast hit him. After that, I don"t think so."

Now the coach was rumbling up the mountain on one side of the town. Vimes looked down at the little round helmet beside him. Funny how you think you know about people, he thought.

The wheels clattered over the wood of a drawbridge.

As castles went, this one looked as though it could be taken by a small squad of not very efficient soldiers. Its builder had not been thinking about fortifications. He"d been influenced by fairytales and possibly by some of the more ornamental sorts of cake. It was a castle for looking at. For defence, putting a blanket over your head might be marginally safer.

The coach stopped in the courtyard. To Vimes"s amazement, a familiar figure in a shabby black coat came shuffling up to open the door.

"Igor?"

"Yeth, marthter?"

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Er, I"m opening thith here door, marthter," said Igor.

"But why aren"t you - ?"

Then it stole over Vimes that Igor was different. This Igor had both eyes the same colour, and some of his scars were in different places.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I thought you were Igor."

"Oh, you mean my couthin Igor," said Igor. "He workth down at the embathy. How"th he getting on?"

"Er, he"s looking... well," said Vimes. "Pretty... well. Yes."

"Did he mention how Igor"th getting on, thur?" said Igor, shambling away so fast that Vimes had

to run to keep up. "Only none of uth have heard from him, not even Igor, who"th alwayth been very clothe."

"I"m sorry? Is your whole family called Igor?"

"Oh, yeth, thur. It avoidth confuthion."

"It does?"

"Yeth, thur. Anyone who ith anyone in Uberwald wouldn"t dream of employing any other thervant but an Igor. Ah, here we are, thur. The mithtreth ith exthpecting you."

They"d walked under an arch and Igor was opening a door with far more studs in it than was respectable. This led to a hallway.

"Are you sure you want to come?" said Vimes to Cheery. "She is a vampire."

"Vampires don"t worry me, sir."

"Lucky for you," said Vimes. He glanced at the silent Tantony. The man was looking strained.

"Tell our friend here he won"t be needed and he"s to wait for us in the coach, the lucky devil," he said. "But don"t translate that last bit."

Igor opened an inner door as Tantony almost ran out of the hall. "Hith grathe hith exthellenthy - "

"Ah, Sir Samuel," said Lady Margolotta. "Do come in. I know you don"t like being your grace. Isn"t this tiresome? But it has to be done, doesn"t it?"