"You"re so lucky to have the thermal springs," said Vimes. And this was diplomacy too, he thought, when you let your mouth chatter away while you watched people"s eyes. It"s just like being a copper. "Sybil wants to go to take the waters at Bad Heisses Bad - "
Behind him he heard a faint growl from the Baron and saw the look of annoyance flash across Serafine"s face.
"I"m saying the wrong thing?" he said innocently.
"My husband is a little unwell at the moment," said Serafine, in the special wife voice which Vimes recognized as meaning "He think"s he"s fine right now but just you wait until I get him alone."
"I suppose I"d better present my credentials," said Vimes, pulling out the letter.
Serafine reached across quickly and took it from his hand. "I shall read it," she said, smiling sweetly. "Of course, it"s a mere formality. Everyone"s heard of Commander Vimes. I mean no offence, of course, but we were a little surprised when the Patrician - "
"Lord Vetinari," said Vimes helpfully, putting a slight stress on the first syllable and hearing the growl on cue.
"Yes, indeed... said that you would be coming. We were expecting one of the more... experienced... diplomats."
"Oh, I can hand around the thin cucumber sandwiches like anything," said Vimes. "And if you want little golden balls of chocolate piled up in a heap, I"m your man."
She gave him a slow, blank stare. "Your pardon, your excellency," she said. "Morporkian is not my first .language and I fear we may have inadvertently misled one another. I gather that you are, in real life, a policeman?"
"In real life, yes," said Vimes.
"We"ve always been against a police force in Bonk," said the Baroness. "We feel it interferes with the liberties of the individual."
"Well, I have certainly heard that argument advanced," said Vimes. "Of course, it depends on whether the individual you are thinking of is yourself or the one climbing out of the bathroom - " he noted the grimace - "window with the family silver in a sack."
"Happily, security has never been a problem for us," said Serafine.
"I"m not surprised," said Vimes. "I mean... because of all the walls and gates and things."
"I do hope you will bring Sybil to the reception this evening. But I see that we are keeping you, and I know you must have much to do. Igor will show you out."
"Yeth, mithtreth," said Igor, behind Vimes.
Vimes could feel the river of fury building up behind the levees of his mind. "I"ll tell Sergeant Angua you asked after her," he said, standing up.
"Indeed," said Serafine.
"But right now I"m looking forward to a really relaxing bath," said Vimes, and watched with satisfaction as both the Baron and his wife flinched. "Good day to you."
Cheery marched along beside him across the hallway.
"Don"t say a word until we"re out of here," hissed Vimes.
"Sir?"
"Because I want to get out of here," said Vimes.
Several of the dogs had followed them out.
They weren"t growling, they hadn"t bared their teeth, but they were carrying themselves with rather more purpose than Vimes had come to associate with groin-sniffers in general.
"I"ve put the parthel in the coach, your exthellenthy" said Igor, opening the coach door and knuckling his forehead.
"I"ll be sure to give it to Igor," said Vimes.
"Oh, not to Igor, thur. Thith ith for Igor."
"Oh, right."