The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

"Are you?"

"No! Look, the thing was coming down, what else should I have done? Tugged at the carpet and tried to drag him away?"

"Yes, yes, I understand. But precedent in this area is very clear. In 1345, when the king at the time fell into a lake, not one member of his staff dared touch him because of the ruling, and the subsequent finding was that they had acted correctly. It is forbidden to touch the King. I have of course explained to the conclave that this is not the Ankh-Morpork way, but this is not Ankh-Morpork."

"I don"t need everyone reminding me about that!"

"You will remain... our guest while investigations continue. Food and drink will be brought to you."

"And light?"

"Of course. Excuse our lack of consideration. Stand back from the door, please. The guards with me are armed and they are... uncomplicated people."

The grille on the door was swung back. A glowing cage was put on the ledge.

"What"s this? A sick glow-worm?"

"It is a kind of beetle, yes. You"ll find that it will very soon seem quite bright. We are very accustomed to darkness."

"Look," said Vimes, as the grille was shut again, "you know this is ridiculous! I don"t know what the position is with Mister Skimmer, but I damn well intend to find out! And there"s the Scone theft, I"m pretty certain I"m close to working that out, too. If you let me return to the embassy where else could I go?"

"We would not wish to find out. You may just feel that life would be more pleasant in Ankh-Morpork."

"Really? And how would we get there?"

"You may have friends in unexpected places."

Vimes thought of the evil little weapon in the pillow. handed it to him. The Ideas Taster walked back down the corridor. When he was halfway a gong boomed and two metal grilles dropped down out of the ceiling. A few seconds after that guards appeared at the far grille, peering in suspiciously.

Dee said a few words to them. The faces vanished. After a while the grilles rose slowly.

"The mechanism is complex and quite old, but we keep it in good working order," he said, handing Vimes his helmet. "If you weigh more going out than going in, the guards will want to know why. It"s unavoidable, it is still accurate to within a few ounces, and does not violate privacy. The only way to beat it would be to fly. Can thieves fly, your excellency?"

"Depends on which sort," said Vimes absently. "Who else goes in there?"

"Once every six days the chamber is inspected by myself and two guards. The last inspection was five days ago."

"Does anyone else go in there?" said Vimes. He noticed that Cheery had picked up a handful of the off-white sand that formed the floor of the Scone Cave and was letting it run between her fingers.

"Not lately. When the new king is crowned, of course, the Scone will often be brought forth for ceremonial purposes."

"Do you only get that white sand in here?"

"Yes. Is that important?"

Vimes saw Cheery nod. "I"m not... sure," he said. "Tell me, what intrinsic value has the Scone?"

"Intrinsic? It"s priceless!"

"I know it"s valuable as a symbol, but what is its value in itself?"

"Priceless!"

"I"m trying to work out why a thief might want to steal it," said Vimes, as patiently as he could.

Cheery had lifted up the flat round stone and was looking underneath it. Vimes pursed his lips.

"What is... she doing?" said Dee. The pronoun dripped with distaste.