The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

Nobby wasn"t certain about that sentence, but the Patrician seemed quite amiable.

"Can"t stand by when the security of the city"s concerned, sir," he said, oozing affronted loyalty from every unblocked pore.

Lord Vetinari paused long enough for the peaceful, everyday sounds of a city apparently on the brink of catastrophe to filter into Nobby"s consciousness.

"Well, of course I wouldn"t dream of interfering," he said at last. "This is Guild business. I"m sure his grace will understand fully when he returns." He banged on the side of the coach. "Drive on."

And the coach was gone.

A thought that had been nudging Nobby for some time chose this moment to besiege him once again.

Mister Vimes is going to go spare. He"s going to go mental.

Lord Vetinari sat back in his seat, smiling to himself.

"Er, did you mean that, sir?" said the clerk Drumknott, who was sitting opposite.

"Certainly. Make a note to have the kitchen send them down cocoa and buns around three o"clock. Anonymously, of course. It"s been a crime-free day, Drumknott. Very unusual. Even the Thieves" Guild is lying low."

"Yes, my lord. I can"t imagine why. When the cat"s away..."

"Yes, Drumknott, but mice are happily unencumbered by apprehensions of the future. Humans, on the other hand, are. And they know that Vimes is going to be back in a week or so, Drumknott. And Vimes will not be happy. Indeed, he will not. And when a commander of the Watch is unhappy, he tends to spread it around with a big shovel."

He smiled again. "This is the time for sensible men to be honest, Drumknott. I only hope Colon is stupid enough to let it continue."

The snow fell faster.

"How beautiful the snow is, sisters..."

Three women sat at the window of their lonely house, looking out at the white Uberwald winter.

"And how cold the vind is," said the second sister.

The third sister, who was the youngest, sighed. "Why do we always talk about the weather?"

"What else is there?"

"Well, it"s either freezing cold or baking. I mean, that"s it, really."

"That is how things are in Mother Uberwald," said the oldest sister, slowly and sternly. "The vind and the snow and the boiling heat of summer..."

"You know, I bet if we cut down the cherry orchard we could put in a roller-skating rink - "

No.

"How about a conservatory? We could grow pineapples."

No.

"If we moved to Bonk we could get a big apartment for the cost of this place - "

"This is our home, Irina," said the oldest sister. "Ah, a home of lost illusions and thwarted hopes..."

"We could go out dancing and everything."

"I remember when we lived in Bonk," said the middle sister dreamily. "Things vere better then."

"Things vere alvays better then," said the oldest sister.