The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

He had a mental picture of what could happen to a man who plunged into the cauldron below a waterfall with a sharp piece of metal attached to his body -

G OOD MORNING .

Vimes blinked. A tall dark robed figure was now sitting in the boat.

"Are you Death?"

I T"S THE SCYTHE, ISN"T IT? P EOPLE ALWAYS NOTICE THE SCYTHE.

"I"m going to die?"

P OSSIBLY.

"Possibly? You turn up when people are possibly going to die?"

O H, YES. I T"S QUITE THE NEW THING . I T"S BECAUSE OF THE UNCERTAINTY PRINCIPLE.

"What"s that?"

I "M NOT SURE.

"That"s very helpful."

I THINK IT MEANS PEOPLE MAY OR MAY NOT DIE. I HAVE TO SAY IT"S PLAYING HOB WITH MY SCHEDULE, BUT I TRY TO KEEP UP WITH MODERN THOUGHT.

The roar was a lot louder now. Vimes lay back in the boat and gripped the sides.

I"m talking to Death, he thought, to take my mind off things.

"Didn"t I see you last month? I was chasing

Bigger-than-Small-Dave Dave along Peach Pie Street and I fell off that ledge?"

T HAT IS CORRECT.

"But I landed on that cart. I didn"t die!"

B UT YOU MIGHT HAVE DONE.

"But I thought we all had some kind of hourglass thing that said when we"re going to die?"

Now the roar was almost physical. Vimes redoubled his grip on the boat.

O H, YES. YOU DO , said Death.

"But we might not?"

N O. Y OU WILL. T HERE IS NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.

"But you said - "

Y ES, IT IS A BIT HARD TO UNDERSTAND, ISN"T IT? A PPARENTLY THERE"S THIS THING CALLED THE TROUSERS OF TIME, WHICH IS QUITE ODD, BECAUSE TIME CERTAINLY DOESN"T -

The boat went over the waterfall.

Vimes had a thunderous sensation of pounding, thudding water, followed by the echoing ringing in his ears as he hit the pool below. He fought his way to what passed for the surface and felt the current take him, slam him into a rock and then roll him away in the white water.

He flailed blindly and caught another rock, his body swinging around into a pool of comparative calm. As he fought for breath he saw a grey shape leaping from stone to stone and then another dose of hell was unleashed as it landed, snarling, beside him.