The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

Sybil pinched the bridge of her nose. Most of her would not have considered Sam Vimes guilty of murder, actual murder, even on the evidence of three gods and a message written on the sky. But stories did get back to her, in a roundabout way. Sam got wound up about things. Sometimes he unwound all at once. There"d been that bad business with that little girl and those men over at Dolly Sisters, and when Sam had broken into the men"s lodging he found one of them had stolen one of her shoes, and she"d heard Detritus say that if he hadn"t been there only Sam would have walked out of the room alive.

She shook her head. "I really would like a bath," she said. There was a clatter from the other end of the table.

"Dear, you will have to eat your dinner in the changing room," said the Baroness, without looking round. She flashed Lady Sybil a brief, brittle smile. "We do not, in fact, have a... have such a, a device in the castle." A thought occurred to her. "We use the hot springs. So much more hygienic."

"Out in the forest?"

"Oh, it"s quite close. And a quick run around in the snow really tones up the body."

"I think perhaps I"ll have a lie-down instead," said Lady Sybil firmly. "But thank you all the same."

She made her way to the musty bedroom, fuming in a ladylike way.

She couldn"t bring herself to like Serafine, and this was shocking, because Lady Sybil even liked Nobby Nobbs, and that took breeding. But the werewolf scraped across her nerves like a file. She remembered that she"d never liked her at school, either.

Among the other unwanted baggage that had been heaped on the young Sybil to hamper her progress through life was the injunction to be pleasant to people and say helpful things. People took this to mean that she didn"t think.

She"d hated the way Serafine had talked about dwarfs. She"d called them "sub-human". Well, obviously most of them lived underground, but Sybil rather liked dwarfs. And Serafine spoke of trolls as if they were things. Sybil hadn"t met many trolls, but the ones she knew seemed to spend their lives raising their children and looking for the next dollar just like everyone else.

Worst of all, Serafine simply assumed that Sybil would naturally agree with her stupid opinions because she was a Lady. Sybil Ramkin had not had an education in these things, moral philosophy not having featured much in a curriculum that was heavy on flower-arranging, but she had a shrewd idea that in any possible debate the right side was where Serafine wasn"t.

She"d only ever written all those letters to her because it was what you did. You always wrote letters to old friends, even if you weren"t very friendly with them.

She sat on the bed and stared at the wall until the shouting started, and when the shouting started she knew Sam was alive and well, because only Sam made people that angry.

She heard the key click in the lock.

Sybil rebelled.

She was large and she was kind. She hadn"t enjoyed school much. A society of girls is not a good one in which to be large and kind, because people are inclined to interpret that as "stupid" and, worse, "deaf".

Lady Sybil looked out of the window. She was two floors up.

There were bars across it, but they"d been designed to keep something out; from the inside they could be lifted out of their slots. And there were musty but heavy sheets and blankets on the bed. None of this might have suggested very much to the average person, but life in a rather strict school for well brought-up young ladies can give someone a real insight into the tricks of escapology.

Five minutes after the key had turned there was only one bar in the window and it was jerking and creaking in the stonework, suggesting that quite a heavy weight was on the sheets that had been neatly knotted around it.

Torches streamed along the castle walls. The ghastly red and black flag snapped in the wind. Vimes looked over the side of the badge. The water was a long way down, and pure white even before it reached the waterfall. Forward and back were the only possible directions here.

He reviewed his troops. Unfortunately this did not take long. Even a policeman could count up to five. Then there was Gavin and his wolves, who were lurking in the trees. And finally, very definitely finally, there was Gaspode, the Corporal Nobbs of the canine world, who"d attached himself to the group uninvited.

What else was on his side? Well, the enemy preferred not to use weapons. This bonus evaporated somewhat when you remembered that they had, at will, some very nasty teeth and claws.

He sighed and turned to Angua. "I know this is your family," he said. "I won"t blame you if you hang back."

"We"ll see, sir, shall we?" ;Only... Angua will be back soon, and... and..."

"Sergeant Angua"s family, captain, are in the habit of running around the woods in the snow stark bol - stark naked!"

"Yes, sir, but... I mean... you know... it"s not really..."

"I"ll give you five minutes to find a clothes shop, shall I? Otherwise -  Look, where the hell are all the werewolves, eh? I was expecting to drop into a heap of snarling jaws, and now you"re here, thank you very much, and there"s no werewolves!"

"Gavin"s people chased them away, sir. You must"ve heard the howl go up."

"Gavin"s people, eh? Well, that"s good! That"s very good! I"m pleased about that! Well done, Gavin! Now, who the hell is Gavin?"

A howl went up from a distant hill.