The Fifth Elephant (Discworld 24)

"Yes, yes, Ankh-Morpork territory. But this isn"t! I am the watchman here!"

"I"m in hot pursuit, Captain. Ah. I see you know the term?"

"I... I... that doesn"t apply!"

"Really?" Vimes raised an eyebrow. "Surely every copper knows about the rule of hot pursuit. You can chase the suspect over your legal boundary if you"re in hot pursuit. Of course, there may be a bit of legal argy-bargy once he"s caught, but we can save that for later."

"I intend to arrest him myself for crimes committed today!"

"You"re too young to die. Besides, I saw him first. Tell you what... After he"s killed me you can have a go. Fair enough?" He looked Tantony in the eye. "Now get out of the way."

"You know I could have you arrested."

"Probably, but until now I"d got you down as an intelligent man."

Tantony nodded, and proved Vimes right. "All right. How may we be of assistance?"

"By keeping out of the way. Oh, and scraping up my remains if this doesn"t work."

Vimes felt the man"s stare on the back of his neck as he set off again.

There was a statue in the middle of the square. It was of the Fifth Elephant. Some ancient craftsman had tried to achieve in bronze and stone the moment when the allegorical animal had thundered down out of the sky and gifted the country its incredible mineral wealth. Around it were idealized and rather heavy-set figures of dwarfs and men, holding hammers and swords, and striking noble attitudes; they probably represented Truth, Industry, Justice and Mother"s Home-Made Fat Pancakes for all Vimes knew, but he felt truly far from home in a country where, apparently, no one wrote graffiti on public statues.

A man was sprawled on the cobbles, with a woman kneeling beside him. She looked tearfully at Vimes and said something in Uberwaldean. All he could do was nod.

Wolfgang jumped down from a perch on top of the statue to Bad Sculpting and landed a few yards away, grinning.

"Mister Civilized! You want another game?"

"You see this badge I"m holding up?" said Vimes.

"It"s a very small one!"

"But you see it?"

"Yes, I see your little badge!" Wolfgang started to move sideways, arms hanging loosely by his sides.

"And I"m armed. Did you hear me tell you I"m armed?"

"With that silly bow?"

"But you just heard me say I"m armed, yes?" said Vimes, loudly, turning to face the moving werewolf. He puffed on his cigar, letting a glow build up.

"Yes! Is this what you call civilized?"

Vimes grinned. "Yes, this is how we do it."

"My way is better!"

"And now you"re under arrest," said Vimes. "Come along and make no fuss and we"ll tie you securely and hand you over to whatever passes for justice around here. I realize this may be difficult."

"Hah! Your Ankh-Morpork sense of humour!"

"Yes, any minute now I"ll drop my trousers. So, you"re resisting arrest?"

"Why these stupid questions?" Now Wolfgang was almost dancing.

"Are you resisting arrest?"